As I Burn Another Page
"This overwhelming feeling of sadness washed through me during practice, like the sudden realization. That I would never be happy. Maybe that was the key factor in enlightment. Realization that true happiness could never be achieved and it's just sudden recognition of truth.
The one moment I had forsaken myself and said I had given up trying to make myself happy, something tugged at me. Hard. I winced. I can't explain it. It's nothing I can really explain. It was like...a message or just coincidence that it did.
Gus noticed my sadness. I just left...didn't tell him anything. What does it all mean in the end? Why do I keep pushing to become someone I want to be, but I'm not going to? I will dance with no one, I will love no one, I will not share memories with someone. Love isn't the truly meaning of life. But i guess it would be nice to have it."
10/4/12, --As I Burn Another Page