z2smith

z2Smith
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2012-09-30 22:12:06 (UTC)

A weak day

I have good days and bad days but today was a weak day....I felt so weak...I guess the whole thing just got to me and I buckled under the weight...not sure how much I can continue like this...I feel so sad...yet I need to be strong for the happiness of my children....the best thing for my children is to be bring up in an environment of love shown (especially) by us (their parents). Since we are not doing this (to ourselves) the next best thing is to try and compensate and shower the children with our own individual love...by staying in the same house? This will be good for the children and I pray God will continue to give me the strength to do this...

I have cried, I have hurt, I have been ill, I have prayed....I have confessed of my sins, my parents (bless them) are so disappointed in my actions (I was their star) and they feel so let down but they have seen my repentance (even though I did not really go into any details of reasons or excuses for my actions - I could have) but I can feel their love.....

I don't know what she wants....from afar it looks like my destruction....my parents have come to stay with us spoken to her, pleaded with her, even my father broke down (never seen him do that before)...YET...I have someone here who is dogged and determined to FIGHT ME.......sometimes I get angry and my flesh fights back....but I hope I can focus on GOD....something special is happening to me...I recognise that. I just hope i get the wisdom to see it through......

If I don't remain strong I will perish under the weight of my marriage woes and finances....I can't afford to do that for the sake of my children at the very least and myself.....I know God has put something special in me...I have abused it all these years but now the time has come for me to really be what I was always supposed to be (...tears)....it is important that I stay in the Zone.....


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