daniellababe

Let It all Hang Loose
2012-09-22 14:41:05 (UTC)

My Biggest Issue; Weight.

I have always been a big girl, i believe i always will be. I grew up in a big ass italian family. We eat like its our job. W are all huge people. I dont know anything else but to be... a BIG girl. Now im not saying that i cant fit throught the door or anything, but its just embarssing. I just to dress as cute as my bestfriends and look adorable in everything. But everytime i look in the mirror its lie, woah. WHAT HAVE I DONE?! I gained most of this weight when my dad passed away, what can i say? yeah i did eat my feelings. i ate everything to be honest. its confort. food for me is a comfort thing. when im sad the first thing i want to do is binge. i want to eat everything under the sun, and then some. It doesnt help any that my bestfriend is the same way. She isnt as big as me tho. She has a great figure. and then theres me... hey.... im 800 pounds (not really). i just need to stay focused. I need to lose this weight for me, for my own personal sanity. i feel like i would be such a happier person if i did. i couldnt even imagen how i would feel if i was slimmer. now im not talking skinny as in you see bones & ribs and shit. no. i like being a "bigger girl" just not this big. i would always want meat on my bones. just not all that fat surrounding it. such a diffcult situation, i love food. its never turned me down or made me upset (well not while eating it). but i need to make a better me, and i will. i can do this. i mean i guess a small factor of why i want this is because to show my exboyfriend (of 4 years who just recently got a girlfriend after we broke up for just a month may) that HEY YOU FUCKER, look at what you lost. i mean i know hes already thinking that, because to get over someone you need a distraction. and that is what this hoe was, which turned into something more. i am happy for him, and i am happy that he has moved on to something new. but i know that in the back of his head that he loves me with all his heart and he always will. and im actually okay with him being with her. hey it keeps him off of my back. (stalker ex type) i am so much happier without him. i have grown so much in the most two months, and i am a so much genuinely happier person without him. i never realized how much he put me down and how bad he made me felt until now. he was such a downer to my confidence and to my life. i am such a better person without him, and that i can say with confidence. i am so happy to have shared the four years of my life that i did with him, he has taught me so much. he taught me so much about myself and about how to deal with a mean like him. i wish that things between me and him could just be civil. but he is so immature bashing me on every social networking site that he can get his hands on. which to me its like hey! go ahead bash me. the only reason that you are is because you are bitter. ahhhhhhhhhhh, i could talk about this kid for hours and hours because he is one heck of a kid (to say the least) his antics is an 5 hour long story in it self. but thank you mr.x you have taught me alot. and i thank you for that and i will forever cherish every moment we had together. i wish you the best of luck in everything you do.
oops, i guesss i went on a little rant there, talking about weight and this mr.x... oh well.

xoxoxo




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