Confessions of madness
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2012-09-21 22:13:14 (UTC)

My reason for living

After my break-up with my last boyfriend in January I began on my usual 'lots of sex' splurge, I gathered 3 fuck buddies who I saw on a regular basis which kept even my raging hormones to a good level. I was happy again with who I was. I find myself being at my happiest when single because there's no ties, no responsibility and best of all once the fire has died there's no problem with moving on.

I'd only met this guy (lets call him), Sid once while I was still with my ex. I remember seeing him standing against the wall smoking at last years circus of Horrors. He had these tight ripped jeans on and a black jacket covered in band patches and spikes. But I remember his face, hard, dangerous, seductive. The way he ran his eyes over me gave me shivers. He was gorgeous. Of course I never thought a guy like that would think the same of me and with me still with my ex I couldn't think much further. But I did, I thought about that body with mine. And the thoughts were amazing.

About 4 weeks after my break-up I see him again with a good friend of mine and my heart fluttered at the sight of him but still I never imagined he might look at me. A week letter my friend sent me a message asking for my number saying that Sid would really like to talk to me. So I did. And we did talk. Everyday, every moment we could.

I was pretty sure he was looking for a hook up which at the time I was comfortable to do because it was all still fresh from my break up. After a few weeks of talking we decided to meet up for a coffee. I was so scared to go incase he wanted more then a hook up which was all I was looking for. I told myself if I went, it was just to be friends with benefits, nothing more. After days of being scared of going I decided I needed to meet him and turned up.

I remember walking up to the bench he was sitting, looking at him. I knew I was in trouble.
For the next few meet ups we talked some more, got to know each other properly. He was fantastic, like me in every good way and I him. We joked about how we must be "soul mates" and saying things like "we should have a big pink frilly wedding!" and this carried on for about a month before he stopped me as we walking and said "please be mine, only mine" and I did.

Its been one of the best decisions of my life.

Through the shit of the last few years and the abusing relationships I've been in, he is my ray of light.
We have become an unstoppable team, everything is done together as we are perfect together. Everytime I see him my heart skips a beat and when we lay together we are connected in a way I've only dreamed about. And I love him.

If one thing is going to keep me going these next few years is the thought of spending all my years with him.