my Journey
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2012-09-11 15:00:20 (UTC)


"There is a strong power that can be gained through surrender. It is not a power that comes from manipulation or passive-aggressive control over another person. Instead, it is a peaceful, internal power that fills the heart and soul of the slave who recognizes the pleasure that quiet obedience gives to an Owner."

quiet obedience? What is quiet obedience? Shouldn’t a slave acknowledge a command?

Would quiet obedience (whatever the fuck that even is) be pleasing? Maybe it means not grumbling while doing something Master has told me to do, but that’s forbidden anyway. He’s never actually said it, but i mean…come on. Of course it’s against the rules. He’s also never said slapping His face is against the rules but um…i may as well just take one of His guns and stick it in my mouth if i’m unsure whether that would be an acceptable behavior.

Power that comes from manipulation or passive-aggressive control…i don’t think i ever do those things. i mean i don’t try to.

The only sentence in that entire paragraph that even makes sense to me is the first one. The power gained from surrender is the ability to re-focus. i don’t have to try and figure out who i am. All i have to do is take care of Master’s body, mind, and spirit and to serve and love Him. It simplifies things for me. i don’t have to ask myself what i am or how i am: i am what He says, and i do what He says. i’m not to judge myself (even though i can’t help it, which i’m working on) because He says that’s His job. If He says i did a good job on something, then i am not to disagree either verbally or mentally. i am to accept His perception of me.

That is freedom, and freedom is powerful. i also have power through self-exploration. With this collar i am free to learn about my sexuality and who i am without all the nervousness because my collar protects me. Master protects me.

The rest of the paragraph sounds like a bunch of feel-good bullshit to me, honestly. Maybe it makes sense, but not to me…not right now.



Today i re-read the quote and thought about it since the last time i thought about those things i said it didn't make sense and was bullshit. i found i still feel the same way and really don't have anything to add.