my Journey
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2012-09-11 13:45:28 (UTC)

Attention: Right or Privilege?

The time and attention your Owner chooses to give you is a privilege, not a right. This privilege needs to be earned, and once received, cherished.

i…i don’t know what i think. i want to agree and disagree at the same time. Of course it’s up to Master how much time and attention He gives me, and just like any other decision of His, i have the right to question it but ultimately i must comply. i have the right to report how that might make me feel, but i’m certain i am restricted from pouting or whining or trying to force His attention.

On the other hand, if He loves me, then time and attention is a right given to me through His love. Isn’t it?

i don’t have the right to demand His attention, but i have the right to seek it. If i were a slave He owned to fuck and serve Him then i would see my rights regarding His attention being far more restrictive than i see them now, but i am many kinds of slave to Him. i just don’t believe He always wants to initiate interaction. Who would?

His Dominant style is not the kind where He seeks a human toy to place where He wants and be where He wants when He wants and nowhere else unless He says. There may be times when that’s a temporary mode, but i think Master would become terribly bored if i just sat around all the time waiting for Him to approach me. He may even get angry.

If a Master loves His slave, He will spend time with her. He will give her attention. If Master deprives me of attention, i will think i’m in trouble. Over time, i will think He is losing His love for me. i will become very sad and then sink into despair. i could stop that process by asking whether i am in trouble, and i have before. i need His love, and i need closeness.

i am a slave. i understand that i have no rights, but i believe Master can give me rights. i have the right to tell Him i disagree. i have the right to respectfully argue most of the time unless He says otherwise. i have the right to pick out my clothes and choose what i eat. i have the right to go places without telling Him (as long as it is a place like a grocery store or to pay a bill or something and as long as i send an inspection picture). i have the right to cum once if He is asleep and i can’t ask His permission. …i have rights. He is lenient with them.

Well all of those rights are privileges. Maybe i can define a privilege as a gift from Master that is one-time and a right as a gift from Master that is permanent until He says otherwise. i can’t define right as something i should inherently get just because i’m a slave because there is nothing i should get or have or do.

If i think about a privilege as a one-time gift and a right as a permanent gift, then i have to disagree with the statement because i believe attention is a right Master has given me. He can take it away if He wants to, and He has before. It’s not my right in the sense that i could have protested or threatened or bribed or argued or pleaded with Him. It was never mine: it’s HIS attention. All i could do is be a good girl and wait. And cry. And when i had learned my lesson He gave me the right to have access to Him back.

He has punished me with silence less than five times. i want to say two, but it may be three. Either way, He knows how hard that is for me. Just because it’s a right doesn’t mean i don’t value it. What i wrote in my song i meant: “You are all the air i breathe and all the blood i have to bleed.” i cherish Him more than He knows. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

i would do anything to earn His attention if He took it away as long as it didn’t also earn His wrath. That’s a scary place to be even though i’m mostly shielded from it.