my Journey
2012-09-11 08:34:27 (UTC)

Commanding/Protecting Him

Master needs a job, and i know this. Obviously i'm not opposed to the idea of more money. That would just be stupid. The problem for me is that He is willing to apply for jobs that i KNOW would hurt Him. There are some things He can't do...some things He does anyway that He knows will cause pain and possibly even long-term physical damage.

i know that He needs a job and for more reasons than just money. It is sad to see Him willing to put Himself through torture in order to accomplish that. It makes me feel that much worse about the disrespectful entry i wrote the other day. While i was writing that doubting Him, He was putting in applications for jobs that (if the roles were reversed) i would forbid Him from working. He was willing to hurt Himself to help us, and i was writing all of that. :(

Of course the roles aren't reversed: they are what they are. i accepted His collar as a symbol that i accept all things that come from Him...all His commands, His decisions. i very much believe in His ability to make right choices, but i am afraid for Him...and i feel uneasy.

i cannot offer Him other jobs because there are none. i cannot just command that He not take jobs that could result in serious short- and long-term injury. i do not have the authority to protect Him that way. He provides me with the right to state my opinions, and i do...and that's as far as it goes.

i have been helping Him look for jobs, and there have been times i have sent Him a link cringing...i don't want my Master to have to do that...i hope He isn't upset with me for some of the things i have sent. It's just so hard to look for things that aren't out there...and i don't know how much compromise to His Ego He is willing to do...but if He is willing to hurt Himself then i figure He is willing to look at anything i can find. At least He will know i'm trying to help.

i hope He ends up okay. i want Him to have a job but not at the cost of His Safety, His Health. But those are His decisions, and i will leave Him to it.

It would be so wonderful if i could find a good job for Him that wouldn't hurt Him that pays decent...i would feel so good to be able to offer that to Him, especially if He got hired. i would feel so useful and valuable. But at this point i don't know where else to look...and He has always been better than me at finding information online.

We'll see how it goes i guess.

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