sex drugs and rock n roll
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2012-09-02 22:24:12 (UTC)

Day 3

i feel like im dying.. i haven't had any drugs in my system since thursday.. i thought day 1 was bad.. HA! it has nothing on today.. i have been getting sick and the pain is like no other.. i pray i don't relapse.. im trying so hard to get clean.. i don't remember the last time i was clean... its been 20 years.. painkillers are a bitch.. what started out with perc 5's is now a $400 a day habit.. i don't pay that of course because my boyfriend gets them from his doctor.. i do a perc 30 every hour it seems.. and i don't get high that's just to make it through the day... i also do morphine but that's nothing.. i do whatever i can get my hands on... it's sad when you are thinking about shooting up just to make the pain stop.. well i don't think id shoot it i would snort it.. i hate this!!! i hope tomorrow brings a better day and i pray i don't use tonight.. it's hard because it's right here in my house.. in fact it's sitting next to me in a crusher just waiting for me... it's like the devil... i kick one habit just to start another.. i used to do speed.. cocaine was my drug of choice then i found meth and that was much cheaper.. i kicked both them habits and started with painkillers... stupid stupid... anyways we'll see what the night brings but i don't have much faith in myself and that's sad