Time Flies

Tempis Fugit
2012-08-29 22:02:01 (UTC)

response

The fact that you are reaching out for help (finally) both
scares me and makes me happy for you. It scares me because
that means you're reeeaallllly close to TOTALLY FUCKING
LOSING IT, and it makes me happy because if you DO get some
help, you might actually start living for yourself again.
You only get to do this once. There's no restart button on
life. It saddens me to think you might wake up at 80 one day
and regret everything. Do something before it's too late! :)

____

The thing is... I feel like I have been teetering on that edge for a while. Not good for myself and not good for my family.

If I do wake up and I'm 80... someone's gonna have to slap me awake... I never thought I'd make it to 30... I expected to not make it- lived like I should not make it... but here I am over 40...

Today, I am glad I had kids. Many days I am just so scared that I am going to fuck them up. I feel like overall I am a better parent than my parents were to me. I feel like they will come out better than me. At least I am hopeful. It took a lot for me to finally say ok to kids. They are good people, I just feel ill-equipped to do right by them sometimes. It is good they have their mom. She often asks what if she died... how would I manage the kids... the truth is, I have no clue. I'd be lost trying to teach my kids why other kids are mean or so many of the other life lessons I never learned but continuously get my ass kicked by.




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