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I actually think I might have a disorder, depression-wise. It's like every time I've been by myself thinking and I have to see people after, I have to plaster a smile onto my face and brighten my eyes up so people don't ask questions, but my dad notices sometimes, I need to act happy around him so he still thinks everything is okay now.
I feel so exhausted emotionally, but it effects me physically like I physically feel exhausted because of it. I'm just so sick of school and everything. I just want to get away from it for awhile so I can recover from all this.
I hate my thoughts, my mind. I hate my school, I hate the fact that I like people at that school. If I hadn't gotten attached to people there I might have had a chance at Blackwood.
I've been cutting still, from the start of 2012 I hadn't cut at all for a long time it seemed but then I got addicted to it again, I just want someone to help, or understand me.
I feel sad all the time, and empty, or hollow. Like so much has been ripped away from me, what's the point in building up true friendships if they might just be ripped away again.
Why didn't my parents just stab me until I was dead, it would have been an easier and quicker death then this one called living.
I know later I could regret what I write in these but it's just all my emotions, or what's left of them, and they're what I was feeling at that time.