Perfection

Struggle and Victory
2012-08-07 10:48:04 (UTC)

Good start of the day

Just back from my 20 km run and it went very well. I'm happy about it, it's my first step to a slim body again.

In a 20 km run you have lots of time to think. Everything will cross your mind in such a run, for me running is very impotant because it's the only moment in my life I've got the time to think.

Today I realised how lucky I'm to have such a sweet boyfriend! He is alway there for me, even when I think it's the end of the world he is there for me! Everytime I loose myself in anorexia he is there for me to help me, he helps me see how beautiful life can be when I think the only thing in life is losing weight. Even now, when I diceded to stop eating again, he is there for me. Trying to make me feel beautiful again, although he knows it doesn't work he still tries.

I think he deserves someone better, someone who can give him al the love that he needs. Someone who doesn't fight all day with her weight. But at the same time I'm afraid to loose him!

My mind is playing games with me, I don't know right from wrong anymore. Ana is screaming inside my head, I want to listen to her but I also want her to leave! I will try one more day to eat normal, when Ana still screams out so loud by tomorrow I will listen to her... But I hope I don't have to do it!




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