Alice

On the Rise
2012-07-29 09:36:45 (UTC)

going mad

I have to get some things off my chest. I have been holding a lot of things in lately because I do not know how to express it all at once. then again i dont think its good to express things all at once. anyways, i have someone on my mind. he is leaving soon and i wont be able to tell him goodbye. hes my best friend and if i dont say goodbye i know i will regret it. what i really want is to see him now but i know that its impossible. I feel like crying right now because i am going to lose him forever. also i have been stressing out lately because of my family and friends. my family is constantly at war with each other and my friends are just different. or maybe i am just different with them because i am lying to them most of the time. I lie every time they ask if im doing ok. inside, i am feel like i am falling apart. i am ready to burst and i just feel like screaming on the top of my lungs but i know that i cant. i hate feeling this way i really do. all i ever wished for was to be happy. i dont know when that will happen but i hope its soon because i am sick of this misery. im miserable and depressed and i feel like one day i am not going to have a sane mind set. i feel very out of place and just wish i can get out of this rut that im in. if i could i would reach out to someone but there is no one that i trust and so i can only say what i feel here. i feel like i am not being judged when i write here. that whatever feedback i get that person on the other end has been there and knows how i feel. its sad really that the people i thought i could trust most and be able to go to i would be able to say how i feel without regretting it. but on here i feel safer from all that. i dont see harm in expressing what i feel. im not even sure if anyone is going to see this and thats the beauty of it. i am not even correcting my grammar or my spelling so im sorry if things or words seem out of place. i am done venting now. thanks for listening diary.




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