Nadia

wet blanket
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2012-07-27 07:52:48 (UTC)

What's wrong with me.

I cut last night again. It was deeper then usual, Lisa bought new razors so last night I hacked one apart and got the blades out. I was frustrated because they were such small pathetic blades. I want some big sharp blades that I can bury into my arms.
I used them anyway and they were pretty sharp since they were new but I want some of those big razor blades I don't know where people get them. Or those other large ones barbers used to use a lot , like in Sweeney Todd. It would be so easy... and it would cut deep. I want one so badly, I know that's sick to most people but I feel like I need it.

I had P.E. today. Ugh I hate it, all the girls are so perfect and... skinny. I eat so fucking much I'm such a fat fuck. I wish I could be skinny like them. I've tried not eating but I always give in and binge. I'm that pathetic. I weigh sixty. sixty fucking kilos.

I tried once to purge but... I hated it. I hardly threw anything up.
But if I purged I would get the full feeling and get all the tastes I crave.

I need to start purging. Before I get any fucking fatter.

They're lying when the say I'm not fat. Liam is lying. They're just trying to make me feel better about how fucking fat I am.
I want people to bitch about how much weight I've lost and think I have problems.
As long as I get skinny and perfect.

...Nadia


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