Middle Child

Listen. Don't Speak.
2012-07-17 01:58:23 (UTC)

It's still dragging on.

To continue...

When No. 13 returned back from his training week, he did contact me. Unfortunately he claims to have never received my text message. I call bullshit. Too add to that, he called me out on my reactivated dating account. Yes, yes I was on the dating site where we met because quite frankly, if he's active on it, so can I! (I was on it so I could possibly meet some other man and move away from No. 13, but it didn't work that way).

It was clever of him to bring up the discussion we had about telling one another that we're going to move in different directions. Nice touch, but it didn't work with me.

We ended up seeing each other a couple days later, which he said felt weird for him at first, but then he felt better afterwords. We shared an amazing kiss! Goodness I hate how he makes me weak to me knees.

During the week we didn't talk as much. Some days I didn't hear from him, other days he would call me like he did we were in a good place in the relationship/friendship. I did what any woman would do when she's crazy about a man - I continued to mentally plan my life with this man. That following Friday we went on a date and that was the last that I heard from him.

We weren't as touchy; we didn't kiss.

I was more reserved then I ever was with this man. He told me about a conversation he recently had with his new boss. To sum up, he told his boss that he would not have been able to leave for a week and meet all these new people, if he was still with his ex-girlfriend. His boss asked if he was dating now, and he his response was, 'Oh hell no!'

It really hurt me. It put an even more dent in my heart.

How can you say that to a woman who likes you. A woman who is still sticking around, even when you're too busy for her because she understands that at this very moment, your new job is a priority.

He doesn't see it. Mr. I-Give-Great-Dating-Advice-Everyone-Wants-My-Advice.

Bull shit!

I genuinely like this guy for all that he is, nerd and comic geek.

I felt that he would fit perfectly in my life, but I think for him, I didn't fit in his 'perfect' life. He has too much baggage and I'm still paying for it. This man has a long list of what he wants. But a list will not help you find love. You're going to miss out on love if you don't follow your heart.

I have a list that I want in a man, but it's not long at all. I've been hurt, but I still opened up to this man.

At this point, I don't want him talking to me again. I want this to be how it is now. Distant. Quiet. I don't need an explanation from him.

Why didn't he call me the next morning to ask how I was feeling after I had an anxiety attack?! It's been 3 days, does he not care to know how I am now?

Fuck him.