2012-07-14 18:33:59 (UTC)

Away from you..day 416

I want to scream, and I want to cry right now. I hate it here! There are 11 or 12 of us here at all times so there is nowhere to hide, but because there are 11 or 12 of us.. I sit almost at the very bottom of the ladder. I want help with my resume, but mom wont take the time to help me. Dad is busy and gone most of the time so he can't exactly help, and to be totally honest.. Dammond has offered to help me with my resume, but I don't want to get help from someone who's English assignments I completed. I want to make sure it's right. The reason I'm not getting help from my mom is cause she says that things have to go in a different order. She has to get a job first, she has to look into all of our schooling, etc. I don't see it that way, cause she has a lot of down time. If that's the case than how come she can't search for her job, and then help me later on her down time just to get me going.. I have to take driver's ed, and my parents can't pay for it (they even said so). I need a car, money for college.. things my parents can't pay for that I know are coming up fairly soon. I'm stuck until I can find transportation, but I can't get transportation unless I have a car cause all of the others are being used, and I can't get a car unless I have a job. All in all I just want to cry cause I was optimistic when I got here, but slowly it just seems like everything is being shut down and put on hold.. and I can't afford to have that happen right now.

I know, I know.. I need to quit freaking out cause it will all work out in the end.. and I'm starting to seem like my brother.. which isn't a good thing. I told my mom that I want to go back to Montana, back to the place I've learned to call home. She asked me "why do you want to do that? I thought you were starting to like it here." My only response that I could come up with is that she didn't see much of anything anymore. SHE is happy cause she is back with her parents, she's got her nieces and nephews.. she's got family here.. and it's not that I don't have family here or that I don't love them to pieces.. I'm just more of someone who is good with visiting my family for a week every six months. I like my space. She doesn't... She asked me what is left for me in Montana cause we packed up everything and left.. my response was just that other than my family I have everything I want in Montana. Anyway, I just needed to vent a little... though I really need to stop now cause I could possibly land myself in trouble if I say any more.

How was your day? Still hot over in the Dakotas? I miss you hun, you need to be here.. or I need to be there. I don't care, I just need you around. Anyways, I got to go for now because I have to start working on some household stuff.

love you lots,