Fallen from Grace
2012-07-12 14:18:58 (UTC)

storm clouds of confussion.

Well diary I am here again. I have been rather confussed about my life lately. I am very focused. I want to go to amanda in oklahoma. I do not get why everytime I get close to going to her something. While talking to my mom the other day I relized something... amanda is the only person who I ever have been with who I did not meet on like craigslist. I always said someday I will meet the one. I did and its her.

Here is where the confussion comes in... 2 days ago I had this guy crying here to me confessing his love to me. I do feel bad for him. He clings to me I have a personality that's people to a flame. As if that's not enough I'm into the bdsm scene. The couple that I belong to til I can my court stuff settled want me to stay here and be there "boy" and though I have some feelings for them I could never truily put my heart and soul into it. My heart my soul and my very essence belongs to amanda. Being here in florida to most would be paradise. The ocean breeze salt water in the air, palm trees every where, lizards are more common than squierls are in the midwest. The mot beautiful beach with the most beautiful people. Truthfully they mean nothing and I would trade it and all its glory for a day with my Goddess Amanda. Everyday seems the same. Skys have lost there blue and all is grey and its feels like pergatory. A very lonely plane of existance. This is my finally thought; do not run from something that might make you happy cause your hurt and scared. That's the lesson I am learning.

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