ndonahue46

My Thoughts of the Day
2012-07-12 10:14:18 (UTC)

UGH!!

It's been almost a year since I felt the need to write down what I was feeling. And so much has happened in that time to say the least. Rich's divorce from the hag has been final now since November and I couldn't be happier about that and neither can he. She fought him every step of the way. Why fight over a marriage that has been over for so long? Anyway enough about all that. The wedding is 4 weeks away and I am so excited and nervous all at the same time. Excited that my dreams are finally coming true to be married to a man who is my everything. But nervous that once we are married that things will change for the worse. I feel like my life has been this roller coaster and some days I just want to get off and that I don't know how much more stress I can take. I just want this wedding to be over. I know that it will be here in the blink of an eye, and be over before it even gets started, but I feel like there is just so much more that has to be done and no money to finish any of it. UGH!! The boys are drowning us in their bills with no jobs. Mikey and Richie both got fired. I spent way too much on food for Mikey's gratuation party and had to throw so much of it away it makes me mad, but that' nothing I suppose. The truck keeps breaking. The guest list is out of control. I have already paid for 150 people and we are at 140 and there are still 26 people that we are still trying to get ahold of to see if they are still coming? My veil, which is paid for, still isn't in and there is no ship date for it. The limo has to be paid for by next Friday and we have bills piling up and small paychecks coming in for the next 3 weeks. Tux's have to be paid for for 3 boys, since none of them have jobs. The officiant for the wedding still hasn't sent me the ceremony to approve, and when I spoke with him several weeks ago he was very short with me and sounded somewhat annoyed that I asked about it. I just want everything to be right and I still have to get the votive candles for the centerpieces and cake table. When I started planning this thing I should have started with the big things and gone from there. Not the other way around. The only good thing is that the most everything is paid for and we just might have to have people sit on each others laps. IDK. Then there's the wedding party. Eric and Kristal had to be asked to step down. Neither of them are in a place to talk about how wonderful marriage is and that they are happy for us and so on and so forth. UGH that's all I have to say. This is supposed to be fun and one of the happiest times of my life and it's not. It's annoying and frustrating and I just want it to be all over so that I can get on with my life. We have talked about going to Hawaii for our honeymoon in December, but that's not likely to happen. I can't sleep, eat, or think straight. I don't like bothering Rich with all of this because he has been working his ass off for this family and it's seems like he just gets shot down by the truck. It has been one big break down after another all year long so everything that could have gone into the house and wedding to get us a head has been eaten up by the truck. I know that the truck has to come first or we don't have anything, but lord. Why now. I try to pray for help and guidance but sometimes I think that it falls on deaf ears. I feel as if it's me against the world sometimes. UGH!!!




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