Fallen from Grace
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2012-07-06 14:00:38 (UTC)

minor set backs

So the day before yesterday was the fourth of July. I spent the day with my new friends Eddy and Amanda. I felt for Eddy. Eddy is a Marine who is on leave. He suffers from ptsd. He was cool through the main part of the fireworks. The grand finale got him and i felt for him. yesterday was decent. I had to go to my pretrial release officer who finally gave me my court date. I go to court on August 1st. I found out how to rush my court date so i can leave state. I tried to call my Amanda but no answer. I thought she might be sleeping so I txt her. I asking her if she was going to be here when this was over. Her response was she tired of waiting for me. I had heard it before so I said i would ask her again 24 hours for her to either keep me or release me. Her response cut me deep. I released you a long time ago... i have been enjoying torturing you. I lost it... tears flooded my eyes, my breath got short and i was on the verge of losing my clean time. I was about to cut which over the years has more satisfactory than the best sex or happiness i have ever known.
She sent me a message saying look her up if i ever get my life together. I wanted to ask why she would say she would never give up on me... just to throw me away. I didn't reply. Let her run. i have the power not her IM tired of enduring so IM walking away from it.

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