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2012-07-06 03:32:36 (UTC)

Away from you..day 425 part 2

You're scaring me
You're making me cry
I'm still the same
I didn't change
Unless you feel we're lost
I'm willing to pay the cost
You haven't lost me
You never will
Unless you drift away
I'm here to stay
To hear what you say
Takes my breath away
It's not right
We're putting up a fight
I love you with all my heart
You have become my other side
There's nothing I can hide
I promised that I loved you
I need you to believe me too
Believe me when I say
I'll love you forever
and I'll never leave you

I want to scream... mostly cause I'm mad at myself, mad at time. Apparently I haven't done a very good job of explaining to you that I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE. :'( It makes me sad that you don't understand that. I miss you! I need you here with me, and I thought that I was lonely before, but this situation has given it a whole new meaning :( If I could cry in front of people like my cousins and my dad.. and not have it show weakness, than trust me.. I would. As it is, I've cried once and it was because I couldn't stand physical pain... I don't have as much physical pain tolerance as you do, but from what I've been told.. I have more emotional pain tolerance than you do right at this very moment... mostly because I realize that it's not a dream, that you do love me as much as you say you do, and you will come for me... I want to cry at the very idea that you think I would walk away from the best man I have ever known. Who has changed everything for me, and doesn't think he's worth it... I know that you probably don't agree with me when I say that you don't think you are worth it, but then again.. where did the thought that I was gonna leave come to mind? I certainly didn't say that, as a matter of fact I have always said the opposite... and I don't say things that I don't mean...

There is a quote that I really love, and it goes like this...
"Distance makes the heart grow fonder"

It has helped me every single day, and it has proved to hold true because.. I.. I personally love you more and more every single day. I couldn't forget you even if it didn't last between us, and you know how you told me that...
"You could find love again if it didn't last with you and me, but for me.. for me you are the last. I wouldn't be able to find love again if you left"...
It's the same way for me, though someone who's known me my entire life would never know it... You are my one and only love. If something happened than I wouldn't know what to do... I guess I'd just stand there, wonder what went wrong... and then keep standing there for the rest of my life wishing that I could have you back, even if it's only for a moment... I'd go through a world of pain. Another verdict like this whole 15 month thing if I could just have another memory like the ones I hold so close to my heart, and the ones that will forever be imprinted on my heart and soul. I love you Michael, and I swear if you ever forget even for a moment that I do than I will just have to come down there, and sit there until you finally believe me again.

loving and missing you like hell,

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