Middle Child

Listen. Don't Speak.
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2012-06-30 13:42:17 (UTC)

Case Study- Closed?

Last entry was written on May 9th.
No.13 and I stopped talking on June 23rd.

Since my last entry, our dates were still as wonderful as ever. We began opening up to one another so soon in the 'friendship' and it made me (not sure about him) feel relaxed around him. I felt that he was able to understand me a lot better. Or so I thought. During our honeymoon phase, which lasted about a month and change, we hung out about 1-2 times a week, talked everyday and saw each other Friday nights.

I knew the relationship was progressing because he went from calling me 'friend' to 'babe'. Let me just say, when you're making out with a guy and he calls you FRIEND, it's the must hurtful and irritating word to say to a woman! In my mind, I was basically envisioning wedding bells and this guy called me his FRIEND!? I should have stopped there... but I didn't.

The last 3 weeks before we stopped talking I was sick. 1st week, I had a cold and we didn't see each other. 2nd week I had a cold sore and we actually hung out because he missed seeing me. 3rd week, well you know what happens every month. Around those 3 weeks we started to get even more closer with each other. We both opened up about sex. I've never opened up about someone about my sex life, my fears and concerns, and I did with this guy. I truly felt close with this man that I decided to go on with having a sexual relationship. At first I went in thinking that it will change things and he will want to commit to me. However, yes there is a however, the last 2 weeks he started to distant himself. He wasn't texting me as much, phone calls declined and the complaints began - I lived too far from him. He was started to let himself go, but he stuck around because he wanted to see if we had a sexual chemistry. So, stupid me, I did it.

There definitely was chemistry, but on my end, I think? I don't know what he thought about it because he is just so fuckin' difficult to read!

I've never ever, 'casually dated' a guy and after 2 months, not know where he is emotionally. With No.13, I had no clue!

All I know is that he is the biggest liar out there. He promised not to make things awkward after sex, and he did. He said it was stupid and immature when people just stop talking to their dates without giving them a reason, and he did just that.

I should also add, the reason why we haven't chatted in about a week is because he went to the States to train for his new job. I don't know about what everyone else would say, but if a man truly has feelings for someone, they would contact the woman while they are away. But this fucker didn't do that with me. As brave of a woman as I am, I didn't bother contacting him.

I do not chase guys who do not show interest in me.

No.13 is arriving back to the city this weekend. I really hope he does not talk to me. While he was gone I was able to emotionally part from him. I started to feel a lot better without him. My anxiety lowered and I'm starting to feel happy again.

I've also started contacting friends that I haven't seen in months.

I'm trying this new thing where I reconnect with friends and ignore the dating scene. I truly feel that it's not my time to date. I've become to irritated with dating that I don't feel excited any more. I'm tired of paying for my half of the bill and finding a spot where transit reaches so I can meet the guy.

I need to work on myself and my friendships.

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