CaptainAkwardtotheruinnotrescue

Tales of a Highschool Nothing
2012-06-23 22:33:52 (UTC)

give me a second to stop my body from shaking.

It would be so easy to not exist, what about those people
don't have to worry about missing
or upsetting
or swearing in the house or screaming.
or exercising and eating healthy and
having problems at the worst times.

This is my problem; my pride.
I would die before I apologized
especially when i don't believe I've done something wrong.
Doesn't matter if we stop talking for the rest of our lives, it's you, who needs to do the apologizing.
Because I always have to have everything worse.
Maybe that's what makes me such a crappy person, OK.
but cut me some slack.
and stop saying it's not fair.
Life is not fair so just shut up and get over it and stop asking for stuff.
I am a week person and i cry so much when im mad.
but it's me right
im the crappy person who deserves the lecture and has to spend her fucking money? right.
and he can leave scott free, right? Right?
No.
Shut up, just shut the fuck up. i can swear they are just fucking words and he swore first, and i am nothing like your piece of shit fucked up son shane, nothing.
I couldn't leave could I?
because where the fuck would i go, hu?
who the fuck else do i fucking have right?
you people need to cut me some slack.
i mean come on.
I could swear at you and tell you to go to hell, what a terrible person you are and all of that.
but you shouldn't for me, you should not.
because who do i have. I mean, he has friends, he has a life, and people who tell him they love him at night, but what have i got?
A pot belly and a scatter brain and crappy hair and nothing else. who says good night to me ? who?
who tells me its not true and who holds me while i cry?
The wind, does. it's nothing but the wind with it's unassuring reassurance.

maybe i could just leave one day, and never come back and when they asks youll explain that you have a great son who was the prom king and the captain of the foot ball team. The one everbody loves, with his model girl friend, and his perfect best friend, the one he's known since the second grade.
And it'll be like i never existed.
That or you should kill me, and it will be easy. So much easier.

so much easier than doing it myself.
Not hate no regret, just nonexistance.




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