Musicaltears

Earth to Sky
2012-06-23 01:13:53 (UTC)

Realization.

I hate when this hits me. It's the realization that I'm not going to be a teenager forever. That I can't hang out with my friends all the time, and I have to start integrating myself into the corporate world. That I'll probably forget at least ninety percent of my high school friends. I'll forget high school. I'll just move on. I won't remember the nights I played just dance with Genn. I won't remember all the jokes made with Becca. However, I believe Genn and Becca are two friends I don't think I'll forget. I won't forget Nathan. I know that. He's made a lasting impression on my life. I'm still in that awe stage from the other night when he came over. I'm not going to be able to goof off all the time. I won't be able to just be me. I'll have to conform to a normal adult working schedule. Conform to the social norm. I'm almost sixteen, and with every day I just get older. One more day that brings me closer and closer to adulthood. I really do not understand the kids who are like I can't wait to be eighteen. I want to stay young. Where I have to be responsible, but I can still be slightly immature. I can break the rules a little, and it's expected because I'm a kid. I can spend all day on the internet if I wanted, or hang out with my friends if I want. I've already got a little taste of what actually work is like. Not much, but what am I going to do. Granted I still have years in high school, and most definitely college. I am, however, still scared of growing up. I want to be sixteen forever. This isn't a fiction novel I'm dealing with. It's real life. What will I do with even more stress. Job, family, money, bills, etc. I don't think I can face getting older. I know I've got so much planned, and I know how my life will be...I just am always scared of failure. I guess that's my number one fear. I have a lot more fears than I lead on to have. Well that was a quick subject change. I'm probably the biggest coward ever. I'm scared of getting old, failure, centipedes(not really relevant...-_- whatever...I'm scared of dying alone, I'm scared of ending up like my mom, I'm scared of what my mind does to me, and that's just the top of the list. I just want to do all I can to set my future in stone, and make it perfect. I'll have to be like everyone else. Take it one day at a time, but I can't. I got a paper for NYU again today which bothers me. It is my dream college, but it costs way to much. Then I have underground things that bother me. Like will I improve on my art and music as an adult, or will I drop it in order to focus on my professional career? I wish I could pick things out. Where I'm going to college, where I'm going to live, who I'm going to marry, What I'm going to do, but I can't. I can only plan so much before it just becomes wishful thinking. This thought will all go away. Tomorrow probably. I'll be a typical teenager on a Saturday. Shopping with my female best friend, texting my boyfriend all day:), and just not caring. Well I'm going to change this subject now. Last night Nathan came over! It was amazing! I made him watch the extremely weird movies that I own. I made him watch Master of disguise which is a movie I was in love with as a kid. Then I made him watch Little Shop of Horrors. That movie has a ridiculous plot, but I still love it! Then I made him watch the first episode of the 1960's version of the Incredible Hulk. Not sure how he liked the movies, but oh well. We didn't watch them much anyways. It was a good night. An amazing night to be specific. Today was also a good day. I worked the front desk today at the youth center. It was theme day! so I had a crown on my head and beads around my neck. I ate a peanut butter & jelly sandwich with Genn today! Then there was a kid named Colby, and we kept hiding his celery. He kept getting frustrated. We gave it back of course. It's fun trolling little kids. I got dismissed from the front desk so I could hang out with my friends. I played B.S. with Genn, another Jr. staff, and a kid named Matt. It was sooooo funny! Then we played a second game with Ms. Dee. She didn't know the point of the game was supposed to lie. So it would be her turn to put down sevens, and she would say "but I don't have any sevens," it was funny. We left, and went to get subway! It was delicious! Becca came over we played just dance for a couple of hours, and went through bunches of old pictures on my computer. Now I'm writing this, Genn is sitting on my bed, and we are listening to Everlong. Oh, and I'm texting Nathan, which makes my day every day! Tomorrow we will go shopping for a mask for my party. I'm going to try to find Nathan a present. I have an idea, but I can't write it on here because odds are he will read this. Oh yeah, I'm not sure if I mentioned this (I'm talking as if anyone reads this thing), but I gave Nathan the link to my diary to read. He created a online diary. Well I don't think guys call it a diary. A journal...it is definitely a man diary!:) Oh, now I'm just blabbering on about random stuff which I do A LOT! This might be one of my longest diary entries. I don't write much most of the time. It's usually only a paragraph or so long, but I usually only have like a few things on my mind. Right now I have like nine or ten. A lot of my thinking is about last night. It was really amazing, but every time I'm with him it's amazing. Incubus is playing which makes me happy. I love incubus. I think they might be my favorite band. I like a lot of music. I don't necessarily have a favorite. Well, I think I'm going to end this now because it's getting to miscellaneous stuff that I don't think most people want to know. Heck no one reads this except like two people. I can rant.




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