Fallen from Grace
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2012-06-08 02:46:21 (UTC)

pouring down out...

I was awoken with fear this morning. I hate how my demons still get to me. I felt like my humanity has been stolen passion was stolen and soul removed. I was scared and for a minute or 2 was a state of panic. I had forgotten where I was and I felt isolated; vulnerable; exposed to elements. I felt my blood begin to boil. In my dream it was storming and I was looking out the window of the car while driving.Its really pouring down really hard and every drop is another silence being broken. The only light in the dream is the soft but prevent glow from the screen of a phone and the flicker of lightning that seem to be frantically breaking throughout the car. In a flash of lightning I saw a face from my past and it grabbed me causing me to wreck the car off a bridge. I drowned because I was scared to swim. It was so real I woke up gasping. Why does he still scare me in my dreams? I felt as if it is an infinite repeat. Am I forced to repeat it for an eternity. Decon still deprives me of sleep at times. Oh how nice and quiet this house is. Its nearly 2:30 in the morning. I was just lying awake in bed thinking about things... I know if everyone knew how things were with my relationship with Amanda they wouldn't understand. Things aren't always what they seem. Honestly I quit caring what people think in high school. I only know one thing; All I ever wanted, all I ever needed is waiting to be right here in my arms. I am blessed with an Angel in my life who the mere sight of brighten my day and make me feel safe. Looking at the serene expression on her face makes me feel an unexplainable ecstasy. As the fans blows across me tonight I feel the chill on my face cooling from within refreshing me. I will savior the security and love they hold as the embrace me. Those arms feel like a drain inside my heart ridding me of all worries and fears. This is how I know I am in love.