Journey towards dreams :)
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2012-06-05 23:08:07 (UTC)


Today, I give up! I stop trying. A relationship works with two people & I was the only one trying till today when he even has a problem with my trying.
I see him online we start chatting: Hi baby, how are you? What are you doing? Th at's all. I have to think of all types of conversations to keep it going. Sometimes, I even talk crap. I was taking about his exams today. Given that he spends almost all his time playing games, I told him that he has to be more serious! ( My 1st mistake )
His sister has to go to Dubai soon, so I asked about whether he will miss her or not. He said no. I told him why, he said just like that. Then I asked but why do you miss me then?

Me: Why do u miss me?
Him: Heyyy she wants to go, let her go!
Me: If I would have gone for study, would not you have missed me?

Him:I would
but I said I will wait for u as I know u were going for a cause.
that's why i wont miss u that much. & also there are so many communication facilities. so?

Me: :'(

Him: Pffttt. Okay bye am going. --,
Me: what happened?
Him: What's all this?
Me: What did I say?
Him: :'( ?????

Me: Yeah.. you miss me so little :(

Him: You know how I am, I don't like someone begging me, insists and persists with me or someone has to worry about me. Okay you worry about me but I don;t want you to change. Nor I wanna change.

Me: I worry for what?? :?
Him: If I ate? If I woke up? What time I sleep? etc

Me: I do that since the beginning... there's nothing I've changed in it.
You don't want me to do that? You should have said from the very start right?

Him: No. Okay forget it!
Me: No. You started a conversation, so you finish it.

Him: I was upset because you insisted on my sister's voyage and you put yourself into the picture.

Me: I was kidding because I know I will not be going.
Him: Yes but still.
Me: Okay fine. Im sorry.

Him: Im sorry too.

After a few minutes, * Okay, Im gonna play a bit*

If he had a problem with me caring for him, he should have said from the start, not when I already made it a habit. I only ask him if he ate, if he woke up, if he had reach home well or if he is studying. Nothing else. We do not have more than 1 hour text. we barely have 2 txt msgs per day & some chats. Is it a problem if I care? I love him a lot. But my love makes of me a bad girlfriend? I will stop asking him the questions now, I will stop showing concern and I will stop referring to that we meet. It been nearly 3 months we have not met but he can meet his friends.

Lost, hurt, heartbroken and depressed in the darkness of my room, crying silently so that my parents do not overhear my sobs. :'(
Tears which will finally lull me to sleep.

I love him a lot. I can't stand losing him but if this continues, I will have no choice than to back out. :(