LILemoREDblu2

Just My Luck...
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2012-06-05 00:47:29 (UTC)

I havn't updated for a really freakin long time... sry!!!

Ok bros this is how it goes; I was being lazy and didn't update for a long time because I'm lazy and didn't even tell you guys I was still alive because I was too lazy.

So yeah I've had my brush with suicide in the past... i forgot how long its been. But anyways I'm gonna call my friend when I get home because I'm kinda upset because I told my friend that (even though I have a boyfriend) that I was in love. See, I've never met this guy and I'm planning to go to college in his area because I've loved him for a year now. But thats not for another 5 years so who in their fucking minds wants to be single that long? Not me. I want to get used to heartbreak and rid myself my my nieve-ities. So I'm going out with this guy who told me for a fact that he really wanted to kiss me and he asked me about a zillion times if I wanted to go to the park tomorrow because he wants to kiss me but the thing is I cant because I'm getting sick and its way too wet and cold to be hanging outside. But ANYWAYS I'm pissed because I told my friend that I was in love with this guy whom I've never met and she TOLD MY BOYFRIEND! I think its SERIOUSLY messed up when someone tells something that their best friend trusted them with. So yeah I kinda forgave her but I'm still pissed and I still don't know how this guy is going to react but I don't care if he breaks up with me because it doesnt matter. Why doesnt it matter, you ask? Because I'm so hurt already that a little more wont make a difference. That maybe I don't want to date at all right now. Maybe I want to spend my summer single. Maybe its because there will be one less person to hurt when I kill myself. I dont want to hurt anyone but I want to stop hurting and theres no way that I'm NOT going to hurt anyone else. So yeah. Thats besically whats happening. If I kill myself, I'm either drowning myself, stabbing myself in the stomach until I die (only for drastic measures), or jumping off of a building, which I'm prolly to chicken to do. I love how I can be talking so morbid and still sound semi happy. I'm such a fake, arent I? well i got 30 sec on this library computer left so I gtg bye!


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