Unwanted

Ready to be just ok
2012-06-04 13:06:59 (UTC)

become a high paid whore?

I didn’t get any dick. I also did not drink myself into oblivion. I really don’t get what it is about me that he is not that into me. I really don’t get it, I think I am going to work on myself some more.
I get so tired of asking him, so what is it that you need for me to do, there is nothing that I wouldn’t do. And getting the preverbal it’s not you, it’s me, I’m just…..
I think this would be easy if he wasn’t good in bed…I think well maybe I’m not good in bed, but then I think about that there is no way that could be true, I literally will do anything he wants for me to do. Actually, I would love it if he would get into something really kinky so that I would actually have to think about if I would do that. I would I am pretty crazy. I once asked him if he wanted to get into the BDSM lifestyle. He wasn’t into it. He didn’t want to. I asked him if he wanted another woman? I actually thought this one out…I thought maybe we could invite another woman to our bed and the first time have a no penis enter anywhere south rule. Just kind of making out, with some mutual masturbation. Or even another man or another man and a woman. With the same no penises enter any holes south of the border rule. He laughed that one off.
I actually think it would be hot to watch him and another female, idk. Maybe I am just really in need of some and my mind is thinking crazy right now.
What I do know is I did not get any this weekend. Other than that, my weekend was great. It was fun and full of family and friends, it was a great weekend. Actually, I was talking to hubby this am about this weekend and I asked him why we didn’t make love, he said, “Wasn’t this weekend great, none of that matters, it’s just that one thing.” I contested that they are two different things. He left for work. I bet he has some important conference call and he is going to have to work late. It is ok I work out on Mondays pretty hard at least two hours and I do it at the end of the day that way I don’t notice I am lonely.
I’m not going to mention sex anymore Maybe I should be celibate? I maybe I should look into buying toys, but im afraid of that? Maybe I should move to move to a large city become a high paid whore and sleep with several guys a day for a living. Lol. Maybe, I’ll just deal with my life the best way I can and hope, wish and pray things will get better. IDK.




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