Fallen from Grace
I know I am happy today. I talked to Lady who I am going to call butterfly. I was trying to think of her a nickname and I have never called anyone butterfly before. Anyways... this morning I got up and decided to bake some brownies. Though in reality they were for Jim and I in my fantasy world I was baking them for my goddess. I want to cook for her so bad.
Well Diary its offical... on the Friday I'm going to Daytona Beach. Then on the 15th I am going to be going to on my way to be with the love of my life. I was ask to day about Jen today. When it comes to her I see like this... If someone can't handle me at my worst then they don't desereve me at my best. How do I know its love with Amanda? Well when I got to florida I had so much regret and sadness inside for leaving her. I felt as if there was void within my soul as if a piece of me was left behind. Well now I know its Amanda I'm IN love with.
For a brief moment in time when she called me that day and said she wanted me still it felt as though everything made perfect sense. I woke up this morning with the sweetest message on my voicemail. I am so happy with her. When you love someone it changes your perceptions... but when they are in love with you in return... well that changes your life. I know when I am scared, saddened or upset I can run to her arms and she will save me. For being a guy I'm such a girl. The best thing is she understands me and my struggles better than I do. Best of all she never asks me anything about myself. My life is changing and I am so in love its sickening. It's 230 in the morning and I do not even care. I know my lover is at work and I cant get her off my mind. I know she loves me no matter how fem or masculine I want to be. I know shes the best thing I have ever had. I just have to stay honest with her and myself and I will be fine. I confess to her my fears, my joys, my concerns. Everytime she smile its like making love to my soul. Caressing; soothing beautiful doesnt begin to describe her. She is so radiant and she exceeds all people I have ever met. She has a very unique and rare presense like me.