Timothy

a response to love and life

my response to a v-blog about relationships. I felt I should record it here, so I could have it for, posterity. I guess.

it remains as true as I once said them, a decade ago.

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At the end when you're talking about loving people who're blood related as opposed to others, I think you're meaning "unconditional" love, or at least an interpretation of it. The thing I've found is that I can love someone as much as if not more than my real family, it doesn't happen often, happened only twice, and even though I'm not with them, I still love them, better or worse, even if I never see or hear from them again, I'll still feel the same way. Unconditional love, means just that, there are no conditions, you may not like them very much, you may hate them as much as you love them, perhaps you've been hurt by them, perhaps, you just grew apart. stuff happens. I haven't seen my ex fiance in 10 years, but I love her now as I did then. That will never change. I loved my cats, they passed away, I love them as much as I ever did. that, will never change. If you love someone and that love never diminishes, and I don't mean, the "omg we gotta hump" kind, I mean, genuine, feelings of love, sometimes they dwindle, but at the end of the day, you can "I love you" or "I loved them" with complete honesty, you know, that is a unconditional love. Thats all True Love is, it's unconditional. Its elemental, it's pure. its also overrated sometimes.

my belief in relationships strays from most of my friends these days, I'm a big fan of monogamy, and maybe I'll never get married, or have kids, but I think having someone you love and loves you back is important, but you should never stay with someone out of complacency or, familiarity, if they don't love you the same way, you'll never be happy, you'll look elsewhere. The whole polyamory thing, is a big lie, my own personal experience within such relationships, they're about sex, lust, and the security of having a primary lover who does all the things a "normal" couple does, but you get to screw around with people. That is NOT a bad thing. It's also, not unnatural either, people get all upset when you say that, but, fuck em, they're not living your life, nor you theirs.

the important thing is choice. who you want to be with, who you don't, and how. for me? I do monogamy and I expect my partner to have the same value. I've been cheated on, I've been the person someone has cheated with, I've instigated cheating, and I find that in the end, nothing good ever comes from it. I've been in 4 poly relationships, twice as primary, twice as not, and it all boils down to how you want to live your life. I don't like sharing my cookies, why would I want to share my love? other than of course with my cats, children or, family. but thats just how I feel. I'm a romantic, so I tend towards the romantic inclinations. but I'm also a realist, unhappy people in relationships go looking elsewhere for comfort, be it emotional, spiritual, sexual, intellectual, because they aren't getting it at home. I don't care if you're bi, straight, or gay, everyone has needs. if they're being met, you don't go looking elsewhere. If you like having relationships with 3 or 4 people at once, thats fine, but call it what it is, don't dress it up and call it anything else, call it what it is. Fulfillment. And that, is NOT wrong. don't let anyone get you down on it.

from the sounds of it, you've had a run of bad luck in the relationship dept. don't discount online relationships, they form experiences. good, bad, both, take bad with the good, and vice versa. two of my better friends both believe relationships are best avoided, they've had some really bad experiences, I've had some bad ones too, but, I know what I like, I know what I want, so do you, and if you don't think you do, take the time to find out, do the inner soul search thing, go to machu pichu, sit in new dehli, watch life go by on the river siene. you don't strike me as being broken, maybe a little lost, maybe a little lonely, neither of those are bad things. we're all a little lost, and weary. it's how you find out about yourself.