Fallen from Grace
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2012-05-29 07:25:28 (UTC)

The mask we wear

They say that we all wear mask of somesort. For me latily its a smile. I am begining to see that in life sometimes things- both big and small- change everything as we know it forever. There are times when as a person we find ourselves desperatly wishing we could go back to how things used to be. I find myself content with my failures. I know things in my life have changed so much theres no going back. Before recently, I seemed to only want what I could have anymore... Its just mere human nature. I only want what I'm building on now with Amanda. People are always tell me smile jay its not the end of the world. I am far from stupid, Smiling isn't going to magically tocrush the pain away. I am good at hiding my sorrows, insecurites, imperfections... but eventually it shines through regardless what kinda mask you wear. D.H. Lawerence once said: "Why cast out devils. They belong to and are a part of all of us. Its up to us to embrace and make peace with them...or let them cosume us"

Everything that ever caused a tear to trickle down my cheek, I run away and hide from it. But now, everything is unwinding and finding its way back towards me. And I don't know what to do. I just know that pain I felt so long ago, it's hurting ten time more. I do rather hope things will change between us when I come to her. In this life everyone cries, everyone hurts, and sometimes yes everything feels wrong but I will never give up on my Amanda... nor on life I love her so much. Sometimes I am running scared but she puts me at ease. I know it will all be worth it when I get face to face and I get drawn in those pretty tranquil eyes. I know the mask will come off then. It always has with her.