Vanilla

Oh your cheating heart.

As of now I have realized that people do alot of fuckeddddd up things. That they can be selfish, untrustworthy and completely bastardized. I am weirdly not bitter or angry or hateful...I was so deeply hurt that I feel it has changed me completely as a person. I dont feel defined anymore..as if the world is literally my oyster. I must say the first week or so was soul crushing. I literally felt like my soul had just been crushed. Everything I believed in was taken away, all my dreams and hopes came crashing down and suddenly I realized the cold and ugly world I live in, now..I dont really feel any love. Nor do I feel a need or want or dependancy. I am alone but I am ok with it because we all are alone...I realized that although we are all alone, we dont have to go through it isolating ourselves from the world or people. So I refused to sit there and cry, or get depressed or not go out. I learned how to cover up the hurt and push it away as if it doesnt exist anymore. He may have cheated on me and it may have nearly killed me to find out, but I wouldnt take it back for SHIT. Im glad I found out...im glad all of this happened because I learnt oh so much more. I learnt my value, my worth,my capability and exactly how much potential I do have. I feel like my life was a book, all planned out chapter to chapter with an ending and then it felt like the pages got ripped out and half my life became missing...now its like I am a book that still needs to be written and this time round I will write as I go along...i wont plan ahead with any crappy guy. Happiness is found in moments, its more the journey not the destination. I know who I am.I know what I want. And I know who I want to be. Im worth more than this and more than him. I will never EVER let a guy disrespect me again like that. I will never ever give my all, I will never do this again.