The Way I See It
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2012-05-18 14:33:56 (UTC)

To My Son

Dear Benton,

I know you probably won't be reading this for a very long time, yet; and we haven't even officially welcomed you into this world, but I just wanted to let you know some things that I - as your father - wanted to get off his chest. Son, I'm sorry for not being the kind of man that I should've been, in the months leading up to our birth. There was so much more I could've done in order to make sure your mother and I were set for your arrival, and I didn't do them. Whether it was my selfish laziness and unwillingness to change my ways, or my ignorant thinking that someone (or something) was going to make things better without me having to try. Either way, I know that things could be much better than they are right now, just days before your mother and I go to the hospital. But I want you to know that I am going to do everything in my power to make sure I don't repeat those same mistakes when you're with us. I know that I should have put those days behind me long ago, and that doing so would have put all three of us in a position that we didn't have to struggle. When you're born son, I promise that I - and your mother - will work our hardest to make sure you don't have to struggle like we did. Even though you haven't been brought into this world, and have yet to deal with some things, I just want to let you know that I'm truly sorry. And, I'm sorry for all the extra, unneeded stress that I have put on your mom. I hope that, in due time, she can forgive me for my mistakes.

Benton, today was the day I decided to make a change, and do what I thought was right for the three of us. Finding out, this morning, that I had a lot less money than I had thought; and the realization that it wasn't going to be nearly enough needed for when you joined us at home, I dedicated myself to trying to find work. I will continue to do so, every single day, until something comes up. I owe it you and your wonderful mother - who has stood by me every step of the way - to do this, and to not rely on other people when things get difficult. That's a quality I hope to instill in you, son. The ability to find a solution; to find a way out of situations that seem so hopeless. It's an ability that I have to work on gaining myself, because what kind of father would I be, if I wasn't able to tell you - with 100 percent certainty - that everything was going to be OK? Benton, I love you with all my heart, and I can't wait to see you.