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I better crawl under a rock for awhile
Sheez!!! I seem to be fucking up lately. My friend is upset because I asked for my money that I loaned out for free. My other friend is not happy that I told her I'm moving. My Single parent group is drifting away from me. I haven't seen the kiddos in about 5 1/2 months now. Not much is going right.
I have to move on. These are things I have to do but still, why does doing the right thing always have to make me feel all alone? Maybe I'm not doing the right thing? I dunno. I need to make a change in my life. Move to the left or move to the right but it's better than not doing anything at all.
So here I am. At another crossroad that will effect my future. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention I told the ex to fuck off again. All this is really really tiring. I didn't know a soul could get tired. Not mad, not frustrated, not sad, just tired and worn out. What to I tell myself to fool myself into sucking it up again? What future do I have?
So far, I'm living in a room saving money for what? Some fucking bill always bubbles up to bring me down again anyway. I try to save for a house and what happens? My ex's medical bills hit me. So what's the fucking point? Why plan? Why save?
I don't feeling like hitting the treadmill so I'll go hit the wine and throw some darts to take my mind off of this shit. The sun will rise tomorrow and I may or may not have another day to try to make a life out of what I have.
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