SoloarJustine

Young, Confused, and Wreckless.
2012-05-13 10:18:32 (UTC)

I Listen, and Listen. But Why Does No One Listen to Me?

Dear Online Diary,
I'm confused. I'm lost. I feel awful that I cant help my parents in this sucky economy. I haven't visited the Orthodontist in 5 months because my Dad is spending all his money on the house, My brothers car, Child Support for my Mother, and my doctor bills. I'm afraid to grow up to fast, but I think its all I can do? I'm afraid to tell my parents that I have to go see a therapist so I can get out every single thing that is built up inside me.
Do you ever have so many things built up, that all you can do is run to your room, turn on music and cry into your pillow? Yeah, it sucks.
I'm not a "Emo" or "Gothic" person. I'm rather athletic and preppy. I love to be around people. No one EVER see's me without a smile on my face. I cover up my emotions way to easily.
I give out advice to almost everybody. Even some random people I don't know. But they are still willing to come up to me and tell me their problems and trust me that I will keep it a secret. And it makes me feel great about my self. But on the other hand I have nobody to trust with what I need to get out. Everyone at school will back stab you, and go tell other people. Or they wont even be patient enough to let you tell them somethings that are going on. Heck. You can't even tell your on counselor at the school whats going on because he/she will tell all the teachers, and all the teachers will treat you differently. I DON'T WANT TO BE TREATED DIFFERENTLY. I'm a normal human being, just with a few kinks. Why is it so hard to keep a secret now and days? I've lost so many friends because I trusted them with something that was personal, and they went behind my back and told everyone. My trust for almost every one is officially gone.
And then there is school pressures. Oh the love of that. So many teenagers are having sex now n' days. Some of them aren't even in High School yet! I have had so, so many guys, that I thought were with me because they liked me. And when we would just start dating, they would ALREADY be trying to get into my pants! Gosh. Some guys are just pervs. There is this one kid in my 4th hour that I really liked. I mean we got along PERFECTLY. But then when I finally got to hang out with him...He got me alone and tried to get me undressed. All I did was slap him, and ask my friend to come get me. I couldn't sleep for 3 nights. And I didn't show up to school for the rest of the week. My trust in guys are officially gone also now.
So now I'm going to grow old with 100 cats. Unless I meet that one guy who would show me that not every guy is a worthless, perverted cheating, bastard.
I'm just Juliet waiting for her Romeo to come along I guess...
Thanks for putting up with my problems. Many more to come!
Love,
Soloar Justine.♥




Ad: