John Doe

Chronicles of a Drifter
2012-05-10 14:25:27 (UTC)

entry 76

*sigh* . )= . On the bus listening to some badass Avenged Sevenfold. You know. Things don't look good right now. But I know that I'm a man that can handle shit on my own, been doing it ever since I was a kid. So just the thought of knowing that this ain't the end of me, and that revenge is sweet makes me feel a LITTLE better. Jason and Sandy were making stuff hard for me to think about. They didn't last. I know. But why does that mean that that makes things okay? And that I should forgive? I've always forgiven, shit. I don't want to nomore. I'm going grudgemode.I mean with sandy..she's passng by me with this depressed look and I know shits going on in her life because when dosnt she have issues? She came by at break and hunged Kike and I turned my back on her. She hugged me from the back and put her arms around my stomache. She ran off after that. I didn't say shit but I felt bad. I keep a straight apathetic face. Acedia. And Jason came down the stairs too and hugged me by the "handle" areas and then left super fast. I looked back and then looked back super damn fast like saying I don't wanna talk to you. Then after break I took aother way. It was passing his locker and sandy saw me there and she said, "will you hug me? Ii really need one of your hugs right now." I said "no..you screwed me over." The last thing that I heard her say was "how?!" . Then the last thing that I said to Jason.....UGH this is what really bugs me. This is awful. He came out after period 1 while I was going to get my period 2 book. I was biting the skin from my fingers cause I was anxious about seeing him. He started doing it too to make fun of me. I looked at. Him and then pushed him in front of me. I wasn't going to say shitn and what kills me is this.. for the first time in my fucking life, he asks me "how are you?" . For the first time ever, you show that you care. Why now Jason? This might work on the other chicks you play but naw...I looked at him and said "Just go, Jason." He looked back at me one last time and just like that, without saying a word. He left. And that's the last time that I ever spoke to him. And that's the last time that I ever will, until he apologizes? Or reaches out to me. I don't know. I just want him to for once acknoledge that he hurt me. You lied, you lied to my ears. I found out today that he cuts. He cuts too? He's like me. But...I won't feel sorry for him. This killed my day. I've got work to do though. I can't let this distract me. You know..Mario gave me my weed pipe today. I like it. I practiced sucking air out of it and I think I'm ready for this. Now all I need to know is where I get the weed and how I'm going to conceal the scent. I'm thinking I should go with axe body spray. And for weed, its 5 bucks? Fuck ill get it anywhere. Ill hide this shit in my cabinet somewhere. Ugh now "Last to Know" by three days grace is really bumming me out worse. Well yeah, the pipe will really come in handy. Kendal was bummed too. Wally tried to commit suicide. He almost died yesterday. She was really distressed and she told me she gave him a two hour talk. And that he had left after they found him almost dieing and she was running all night looking for him. I could picture her doing that. Her shoes were all worn out too..they were ripped up. Her eyes looked so tired and red. My poor Kendal. <3. Now I don't know what's gonna happen. My streak of predictions has stopped. I know Jason and me will most likely stop talking. He doesn't have the balls to come up to me and say, what's the problem? Or even text me for that matter. Sand I'm not gonna go looking for him. So guess it ends here. I couldn't fathom to think of sandy right now. I just don't have the energy in me to think these things through right now.




Ad: