whoamiagain

My Life as it is.
2012-05-08 20:32:34 (UTC)

You cast a spell on me.

You hit me like the sky fell on me.

Well, today my school counsellor said she thinks I'm having drug problems. Well then. I'm not an addict. I'm really not. I'm not like those girls in the movies that say that, and they are. I'd know, and I'd be able to admit it to myself. Well, I wouldn't, but I'd have a feeling that I was I guess.

And pot's not addictive. I could see the buzz being addicted, but that can't really fuck up your life or anything can it? Well, she said she wanted me to meet with this other chick that'll evaluate me and give me tips and shit.

Challenge accepted.

I'll do the evaluations, answer their lame questions, and guess what? Nadda. Nothing. Not an addict to DOPE. No one gets addicted to pot. No one. Except when you're an old man that's been doing it your whole life, some of my far related family members, and some close I guess. Oh well.

So sometime soon, I will find out what I already know, but I get to miss more class with a legit excuse.

She also wanted me to consider seeing a psychologist with my mom, cause she says that it seems like my life at home isn't the best. Well, it's not that, it's that there's too many secrets, but I've gotten used to it by now, and my mother's grown to be quit oblivious actually.. Well, it's life.

She said that the shrink would see my mom, then see me right after and then I don't even know what would happen. How can answering questions help us. We already know the answers to these questions bro. And I'm the one that actually wants to go in this sector. Cause I care. And I wanna see if anyone else in this world's mind is as fucked as mine.

The counsellor said that there's nothing wrong with me, she sees no signs or depression, I have a normal past. Everything. I'm the one that slips through the cracks cause I've had it easy.

I don't know what went wrong. I don't know who's fault it is other than mine, I don't know exactly when I myself changed. I used to wanna change, and I said I'd go back to being a good kid, obeying, responsible girl when I was a little older. That was a year ago about, and I lost the control over myself.

I've gone crazy. If you knew me in elementary school, you wouldn't believe your eyes talking to me now. People don't understand that once you do certain things, and you like them, it's thrill.

Once you break a couple rules, you gotta break them all.

All.

Of.

Them.

Every single one of them. That's only half the fucking fun. The other half is dealing with how to get yourself out of the trouble that you're in. It's dealing with the problem.

I'm bored with life.

I need to make myself my own fun. I'm average height, average weight (maybe a little bigger, but still passable), brown hair, brown eyes, a little bit of tanned skin.

I'm an average girl. And I was bored of it.

So when you break the rules, makes SOMETHING happen. Anything. And life gets funner suddenly. Getting stoned, life obviously gets more exciting.


I scared myself tonight. I was going crazy. I was in a super bad mood, when I remembered I had bought .5 off my friend. I could smoke a joint. So I messaged a guy I'm even mad at, and told him I needed rolling papers. So I smoked a joint with him, and there it was. Fixed.
It used to be something I did for fun. Now it's something I do instead of boredom.

Oh well.

Once I finish high school, all these habits'll stay behind hopefully. Time'll tell.

Well, it's only like 10pm and I'm burnt the fuck out. Even after a trippy nap in suspension today haah :) Well. Sweedreams brosephs. :)

Renee xo.




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