it only gets worse. how it's even possible to be so low, to have such little confidence, to be so scared to go out into public, to be so fucking consistently exhausted, to be so ravaged by CMT, to be so far beyond hopelessness, to wake up and play fucking video games every fucking day and fucking nothing else because I'm a fucking loser mother fucker.
i don't recognize this asshole.
i need serious goddamn help but the people who can don't think it's a big enough emergency or i'm too tired/ashamed/fucking scared to bring it up/let on.
i'm so fucked. thinking about the next six months makes me want to vomit. i'm supposed to get married.. i can scarcely leave this fucking house.
my writing is a piece of shit.
this isn't living. this is barely fucking existing. barley.
this is all i think about.