Miss Lost

Beautiful Disaster
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2012-04-28 06:45:36 (UTC)

What a day.

Well today hasn't really been that much fun. All I did all day was watch movies.... a blast. I talked to my boyfriend like twice but we didn't really say much of anything. I bet he's out cheating on me right now. I really do feel like he is but I don't know for sure. I really hope he isn't. I called him back when I said I would but no answer so i'm sure hes hanging out with his friends getting drunk and he'll give me some half ass excuse for what he done but he won't really tell me the whole story. I hate even hearing him tell me bullshit all the time. For some reason he has a problem with listening to me. I really just don't see why it's so hard for him to listen to me. I mean if he even replies to me when I talk all he says is "mhmm" or "ok", and most of the time it's just "huh" and he'll have no recollection of what I said. It's really annoying and it just makes me wonder what it would be like to have a boyfriend that actually listened to what I said. I bet that would be nice. All my boyfriend really cares about is girls though. It really just makes me sick to my stomach. It's like I don't even exist when other girls are around. He just ignores me and acts like i'm not even there. When I talk its like I never said anything but he'll strike up a conversation with girls that are ugly and fat. It makes me feel really bad about myself. He wonders why I talk to other guys and flirt. I already told him why though. The entire reason of dating someone is to have their attention. I need attention just like anyone else but he doesn't really care. He thinks with the head on his dick and not the head on his shoulders. He's a dog in every meaning of the word and he knows that. He always says it upsets him when I say that but I think that deep down inside he's laughing about it and saying to himself "I know". I could be just being insecure but we've been dating on and off for a year now so i'm pretty sure he's not going to change. I mean he keeps saying he's going to but he doesn't really put any effort into it. I'm sure that he won't and we'll end up breaking up yet again sometime soon. I don't even think I like him anywhere near as much as I use to. I know that for a fact. I really just don't even know why I date him. He has a small penis and he's not cute without his hair which he just recently shaved off. I know I can do a lot better but i'll stress that later. I don't even feel like trying to talk to any guys right now. Too much trouble. Well I did talk to my aunt Kim and she told me that I shouldn't worry about losing my room and that it will always be mine. My grandmother told me that she will try to help me get my phone by next Tuesday or Wednesday. I'm really happy about that. I am 3 weeks ahead in my classes as well. I guess everything going good really. I don't know why i've been so upset lately. I really shouldn't let a stupid guy bring me down when i'm getting somewhere in life and he's not even trying. He expects it to just fall into his lap. He doesn't really put in the work to make it anywhere. That's his problem not mine. I feel like I need to lose some weight and do some treatments on my hair. I hope that this next month of extreme pampering I do to myself will help my self confidence and I quit worrying about him and not feeling pretty or skinny and all that. I know guys find me attractive so I should just let my boyfriend lose me and then he'll think twice about the way he treats girls. Maybe... probably not. He'll get his in the end though everyone always does. Well I really need to get a job this summer and try to get my license. I've been working on that with my grandmother for a year but every time I want to go she puts it off. Nothing I can do about that really. I know i'll eventually make it that far. I just have to wait right now. I'm not too worried about it though (: I will figure out a way to get that done. I'm tired of typing so I'll update you whenever I get on again. Good night 3:01 am