Middle Child

Listen. Don't Speak.
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2012-04-25 23:46:29 (UTC)

Dating Adventures - added 2 more!

Since my last entry on dating, I've been on two more dates and yes, they were unsuccessful. Maybe I should start writing about "How to stop talking to guy you are not interested in - asap!" or "Yet again, another fool who doesn't impress me" or "Maybe I shouldn't have gone to University and then maybe my standards would be lower".

Anyways, here it is:

Richard "The Blonde Guy" (We aren't talking)

Anthony (We aren't talking)

Date # 11

I met Richard back in December 2011 and our plans to meet up always fell through the shit whole - but I didn't mind. I wasn't really interested in this guy, but I was fascinated in meeting another individual who also spoke Italian and Spanish. I can't say I knew much about him, or atleast I don't remember now. Well, one day in December this guy asked me why we haven't hung out yet. I bluntly responded, "... because you always cancel".

At this point of my life, I've become so blunt with my thoughts and feelings that I don't care if I hurt feelings. I've become such a bitch at times and it has made me a happier person.

Enough of that. He replied back saying that it was definitely true- he has been cancelling - but it was because he was seeing someone. I was lost for words! Did this guy just tell me he is seeing someone else? I felt something, not respected, not happy, but something along the lines of relieved, maybe? I was happy to hear the truth for once. I was happy to hear why things were in a stand still, but then again it sucks knowing that while you're taking time out of your day to text/call this person, he's also doing the same to another woman. But nonetheless, I thanked him for his honesty.

His response, "I still want to keep in touch..."

Ah, fuck.

This tells me A) he isn't fully interested in the chick he's talking to, therefore leading him to B) keep the women in line until he's done with the current chick.

Fast-forward to March...

I get a random text from him. We meet up. When on a couple dates, but still felt that something was missing. On Facebook he comes across as humorous and full of life, but in person he was actually kind of boring and dull. Every time he meet up, I keep holding my breath in hopes that he'll jump out of his shell and do something stupid that will make me laugh! But, it never happened. He wasn't the person he portrayed himself to be, OR he couldn't be himself with me. The latter one seems more logical. But, fuck, if you can't feel comfortable with me, neither will I.

I will say, however, it was nice to speak to a man who knew facts. I'll give him that. But, I'll also say, seeing a pack of zig zags in his apartment and lighter in his room. He only worsened his reputation with me. I went from 'I think I like you' to 'I'm not going to like you'.

We stopped talking.

P.s - I didn't act interested anyways (my fault), although it was nice being seen around the city with a tall blonde haired, blue-eyed man :D (hehe.. silly me)


Date # 12

Now, with this date, I can't really say much about this one because we didn't really get to know each other. Our conversations were very mundane. It felt as though I was catching up with a friend I haven't seen in years and it only took 10 mins to get caught up and then when we had nothing to say, it was awkward. That's how I would describe this guy - the guy who I couldn't even give a nickname to.

Yet again, he would make for a great friend, since he does live in my hood and all, but I'm not looking for a friend. We aren't talking anymore.


I am near exhaustion with dating. I'm starting to believe that I am the problem here and not the 12 guys I've causally dated in the past 6 months. Or, maybe I really know what I want and I will not allow myself to settle for less? I've settled for less in the past convincing myself that a man with no post-secondary education is still a smart man - who was I kidding, definitely not my parents!

My standards have gone up. I'm going back to school to better myself, to educate myself. I want someone who is always looking for ways to better themselves as an individual and as a brother, son and maybe, my husband. I want a man who has goals for himself, but also leaves a bit a room for his girlfriend and maybe, wife?

There's a pattern going on here - I'm ready for a serious commitment. I am thinking about marriage and a family.

My time will come :)