missone

my so called life
2012-04-23 22:33:10 (UTC)

Sometimes i just dont get it

You know that feeling you get sometimes in the pit of your stomach that something just is not right, and no matter how much you try and tell yourself " noo it couldn't be... he couldn't be" that feeling just gets stronger and stronger.
Then you begin to notice little things like how he doesnt want to be on the phone when you ask to call but that very second his on the phone to someone else. You dont want to be paranoid but you just know that this just aint right!!! So what do you do?

Seems like my only ability is to get angry like im the one being taken for a fool and then i begin this screen play in my head of the conversation his having with the "mystery person" and it fuel a conversation that i should be having with him about the matter, which then leads to a angry text message(s).... it's just a long hopeless circle. The real question is do i think that his lying? and if he is am i ready to hear the truth behind the lies? or is it better to be ignorant? after all it is bliss as they say.

Truth is, even though i hate to admit it and i dont want the answer to be this, but i dont trust him. That feeling hasn't failed me so far, i mean come on i was right about miami wasn't i? i had the same feeling then to and that all came crashing down on me. This could be true to, maybe his found someone else to entertain him instead of me. That why all the lies and the worst part is he wants to then sit there and get mad at me like i have no reason to be angry at the sheer bad-mindedness of his actions. But then again why am i surprised he hardly thinks of how i may feel about things anymore.... its been his way or no for months now. I twisted and bent in ways that wouldnt and havent before, just for him, and i have to admit his done little to show he same commitment.

Is there really a right and wrong way to behave in a situation like this? i mean if you look at it, there are two ways: Her way and His way:

HIS WAY:

He will never see anything wrong in telling you that he doesnt want to do something with you and going and doing that same thing with someone else.

He will never see the reason as to why you are now angry that he has just made you feel like a complete fool by lying.

It will be your fault if you get angry and piss him off.

He see's nothing wrong with not buying you gifts but will happily accept yours.

He will happily let you pay for everything but when its your turn he has no money.

Its ok for him to go out an get girls and your anger or emotions are not valid but if you did that same he'd never touch you again.

HER WAY:

She will feel like a fool if he says he doesnt want to talk but is on the phone to someone else.

She will get angry at this fact and this could result in an explosion of emotions about this behaviour to him.

She will know that it is his fault but will apologise any way.

she will happily buy things for him and die inside when she gets nothing in return.

She will get upset to see her girlfriends partners shower them with gifts and think about how he does nothing for her.

She will look at a guy she likes and think again about asking him for his number because she doesnt want to upset him.

All this built up anger, constantly feeling like every word he says is a lie and that his hiding something, but then on top it trying to find a way to hide all this buy smiling and showing him how much no one could possibly love him more then i could.

They Karma is a bitch and it comes back ten fold... it came back ten fold with a storm in the form of a man who couldnt careless about this relationship or the fact that his the only one to ever have my heart. The only who doesnt love me!! Could it be any more painful then this.

I guess God decided i dont deserve to be loved!




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