Sam.

Bookends
2012-04-20 17:44:25 (UTC)

no

Ill never amount to anything worthy or anything. And that makes me very sad. Ill never find love let alone half the kind of expressed feeling i so desperately hope and wish for.
why is it so real to me? i have nothing for myself, only for the idea that it is. nothing, when it comes down to do. Nothing is even remotely close to the kind of real happiness and love.

And I cant even stop torturing myself with it. I love it. it might be the one thing in this world today that i do love, and when i say that its so incredibly underrated. Like what even am i doing? I really really really really just want something.
love more accurately.
am im so young and i have no idea what the hell im talking about, and i have major mental issues, and messed up priorities. maybe Ben was right. of course i know hes right or it wouldn't bother me so much.
I've also tried so hard to forget, but absentmindedly. I don't really remember having a hard time in the beginning, but then again i do. i guess now is the only time that actually counts right? i cant even express how i feel about my heart and about love and about the whole sky situation or anything actually. I just feel so much hate and rage and sadness and loneliness and betrayal, and hurtfulness and stupidity, and like im just wasting everything about myself and how i have no self love and the things that do comfort me actually have the opposite effect now because they are too great.
IM obsessive and compulsive and i ruyn away from things i cant take and i don't even know myself in the most important way that a girl probably should love know and accept her self. and i hang on to abusive false hopes.
I wish i could feel and love and be cute and kinda and havr different things happen to me and have normal ups and downs in my life and just be normal. but i don't mean normal, normal i mean like the kind of normal that i hate myself and i wish i could be different. someone else even? but doesn't everyone feel this way? doesn't everyone have a life like this?




Ad: