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2012-04-14 04:19:30 (UTC)

What do I do now?

Camden loves me. I love him........ AGAIN!!!!!!!! sh*t! Why do I love him. I have no idea. What do I say when he says hey babe???!!!???? I am falling back in love with him. we WERE going to kiss...... but my parents found out and my life is ruined. I totally threw ,my life away..... I am done!!!!!! I cant do this anymore.... Kyley my "best friend" totally ruined me at Saige's birthday party. she made me burst into tears. Anna was texting Camden and she told him that Kyley made me cry.....and he told me don't listen to her.... she is a b*tch. she is worthless compared to you. if she is calling you worthless then she doesn't know what she is talking about. You are not worthless, especially to me!!!!!!!!!!!1 I was like really? He said absolutely. even though he spelt it wrong, i knew what he meant. Now it is a month or 2 later......... She came up to me and said I'm sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wanted to say it is NOT okay. But I didn't I told her it was cool. Witch was a total lie. Because it wasn't. She asked if she could spend the day with me to make it up so I said sure. Camden started liking her.....more than ,me!!!!! I totally got upset...... So I ran into my bathroom when I got home and locked the door. i sat by the bath tub. my heart was beating slow like a drum. it was going slower and slower. as tears rolled down the sides if my face leaving a wet trail I silently screamed. I grabbed a razor off the counter turned on the hot water in the bath tub. I plug the drain and lay in the hot water........ I think to myself what Kyley said... I push the razor against my skin while it is stinging........ I watch as blood rolls down my arm. I do it over and over and over again6 times then I dip it in the hot water. I slowly lift my arm out of the water, and feel like I am worth something.......I just lay there watching my arm bleed. I stop crying. Then i get out. I dry off then go and lay in my bed. I see that my arm is still bleeding....badly. So i go downstairs and sneak into my parents' bathroom and grab gauze and 1st aid tape then dart up the stairs.I go into my room and bandage myself up. then i put a long sleeve shirt on. I go to bed then wake up in the morning and get ready for school. I go to school and act like i usually do.

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