Jack's Twisted Kingdom
Thursday was a great day. It was also a bit of a shit one too. Seems like it was ages ago, time has slowed to a dreary crawl. I had a half assed interview with a company I wanted to work for and was willing to move into the bowels of surrey in order to ensure I was there every day. Not an hour after the interview, they re-posted the online ad for it, and so now I'm sort of bummed out, even the elation of the 3 good things to occur the next day didn't raise my spirits. Well, thats not entirely true, they have.
I'm pretty angry about something, someone said something, and I can't figure out if I'm angry with them because they said it, or because it's ultimately true, true in the sense that, nothing is happening about it. but I've dumped friends over people saying similar things, but more in a context of over and over again. they just said it once, and it stung, to the core. I'm not sure why, but, I'm furious about it, and the more I think about it the angrier I get. the urge to lash out is certainly there, but, it feels weak, like I'm weak, if I were to. or, it could be that I'm just angry about all kinds of things and my current woes are merely a symptom of others.
I don't know. it's why I need to be careful, why I tread softly as it is. I don't know whats, really important anymore. I feel as though I'm losing myself. lost myself. I keep feeling this sensation of drowning, and it doesn't bring me any peace of mind. and so, here I am, wasting away, waiting once again. I just want it to be over. but theres just, no end to it. I have no support, no shoulder to lean on. nothing and no one. something I seem to have cultivated, but not what I ultimately want.
and so on, and so forth.