The options I have are:-
(1) Move out
(2) Stay and just hope
(3) Stay and zone out – doing my own thing and generally ignoring her
(4) Stay and communicate with her
I have decided to go with (4) at least for now until things events override that.
I know it will not be easy and probably the most difficult option. I know there will be bad days and very bad days. It may even turn out that I wouldn’t be able to cope and I will have to move out. Time will tell. I am going to lower my expectations and expect nothing but will put in the effort just in case things can turn around. It still doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be hurt by her words and actions, I will be and only God knows how much I will be able to take but I am prepared to give it a go.
There are a number of reasons why I have gone for that.
(1) I am the one that is in the wrong. I know she played a part but I bridged the relationship. She obviously wants us to stay together in a sham marriage, although, I can’t, and eventually something will give but I have to give her a long rope at least for now for my iniquities.
(2) I will not just be there….I will grow as a man and a father….grow my biz and career….pay attention to her only when needed….will not go seeking anything from her so as not to get those harmful words….she will have a ringside view of this.
(3) My kids and parents will not have to suffer what comes with a break-up at least for now….let me give it a go and see where it takes us….
(4) Moving out runs the risk of ending it…..it is a possibility…especially given her bitterness….if it turns out like that I will hate myself for not trying at least to give it a go. When I move out I want it to be because I have given it my all and deep inside me I know I have nothing left and can’t continue as she wants….basically my conscience will be clear…so even if it turns out that it triggers the end of the marriage….I would no I tried my best….right know I have doubts
(5) Leaving the house will make her angry and more irrational…..that is what she will show any way…there are ways I can maintain my dignity and stay in the house…the worst is that she starts dating/sleeping with someone else while I play man of the house….then I will leave…can’t think further than that. Who knows what it will be like in 3 months/ 6 months or even 9 months….lets see and then review….it is too much to lose to make a quick decision.
(6) My biggest pleasure is proving in any nature or form to my family…either through finance, knowledge, physical work etc whatever it is, this is the reason why I live. Although not completely my fault I will still consider myself a failure if I can no longer do this. Staying does not guarantee anything but at least I know I tried.
(7) The ultimate test would be to get her to love me again….that will be the ultimate…not sure calling her bluff is the right way for me…apart from that…I know she plays games (she withholds information or deliberately gives me wrong info to see my reaction)….I don’t play games….I play from the heart…this may be naïve but I learnt a long time ago to go with the flow in you, what you are comfortable with, what seems natural to you…this is what I am doing….