John Doe

Chronicles of a Drifter
2012-03-24 21:37:34 (UTC)

entry 34

So remember when I said that Rosa wouldn't say anything? I was wrong, fuck I really messed up on my calculations. I forgot how brainwashed she was. She did open her mouth and tell J.R what I said. Sort of ticks me off since I told her that she didn't have to tell him that, just make sure he's out by 9:30. Oh well, that got his ass out. I would feel bad but considering all the crap he has done to me, I say we're about even. That's really nothing in comparison. Now he knows how I feel. Aparentally he wanted to talk to me about it. What would he say? "Get over it, that was then this is now?" Yeah, that'll help. I'm too angry and it feels like I won't ever get over it. If he asked for forgiveness, I would give it to him though. If someone says sorry you can't just deny them, that takes a lot to swallow your pride and apologize. Aparentally when he heard he just said "Oh yeah, fuck his friends." He heard about Mr. Munoz and he said "oh I was just kidding." Really? No you weren't. You don't joke like that with someone you don't even know. That's not cool. I don't play like that . You weren't even teasing, you were fucking harassing. If he does come up to talk to me then aye, we'll see how it goes. It will probably go a little something like this, "you got a proble with me." , "I got a problem with you staying here till midnight.", I don't know. I ain't going to spit on his face until he makes me. Rosa is a little bitch for that though, she thinks he's the nicest and he isn't going to do anything. Bitch doesn't know the truth, and she's just as dumb as him. They don't see one big important thing that's crucial when interacting with people. PERSONALITIES. Just because you do something, doesn't mean others do too. The safest way to make sure your on good terms with everyone is to make sure that you're nice. Everyone likes and enjoys being around somebody who is nice. If you have got that down, if you're warm and make sure the other person doesn't feel unsafe around you then you're good. Then maybe when both of you start to open up a little, you can see if they want to smoke or they want to fucking jump off a plane, whatever the hell it is. Ugh I'm too tired to complain about this right now. Whatever happens, happens. I'm not afraid.
J.R ended up leaving before I went out so I really didn't have to. I did feel sort of bad because Brawlio showed up and he must have scared him. Brawlio is a pretty scary guy I mean, he's beefy, buff, tatted from head to toe, has piercings, this masculine face, angry eyebrows, deep ass voice, and huge fists. No wonder J.R felt uncomfortable. I would too if Brawlio wasn't my cousin. He told me that if J.R gave me problems he would beat him up for me. Eh, I don't think that will be necessary. I wouldn't want that, as much as I dislike J.R. thanks a lot for having my back though Brawlio. I treated him out to some chinese food since I'm that nice. Asian food is the best <3! He ordered shrimp fried rice and my sister loved it. It was all right. Seafood wouldn't be my first choice though, unless its in sushi. We ended up reminiscing at the table. We talked about when we were kids and we used to do all this crazy shit. God, those were fun times. I have changed a lot, like just a few minutes ago for instance. I was watching this spongebob episode where Spongebob and Patrick stole a balloon and they had to go hide out in the middle of nowhere with just a candy bar as food. There was this scene where spongebob ate his chocolate bar all weirdly. He was wrapping his tongue around it and looking it while moaning and making noises. I have seen that episode so many times. When I was a kid I just thought, hey he's eating it. Now, as a seventeen year old, I think perverted thoughts when he's licking
it. That's crazy. My thoughts have changed considerably. But yeah, we were at the table just remembering when we were kids and how they used to mess with me. When I was a little kid they were about 13, or 14. They always used to mess with me and make me cry or do stupid shit. Like Brawlio would put pillows in my face and I would be scared shitless and couldn't breathe. Its funny now that I look back cause I used to scream, "I'm suffocating! I'm suffocating!" Over and over until they got it off. No wonder they laughed, I think it's funny. Or how they locked me up inside a matress once and I was, again, shitting my pants. God I was a traumatized little boy. Haha one time, my older cousin Johnny was going to make me and this kid I knew named Elijioh go body and fight. The rules were: stop hitting after 10 seconds, and don't hit the face. The first thing my dumbass did was sock the fool right in his face and made his nose bleed. He was crying and Johnny was so pissed at me. Hahaha, it's really funny now. Someone told me that Elijioh wears skin tight skinny jeans, has spiky blonde hair, and talks really soft now. I haven't seen him in a while, I honestly didn't think he would turn out that way. Its been years, he's seventeen now. I know because we are the same age. I remember when we used to chill as kids. He grew up in a really fucked up home, I already know. His dad had sex with his sister and got her pregnant with twins. When her mom found out that Valerie was pregnant she asked her, "who's the dad?" She broke down crying and said. "Well who else? Elijioh." Elijioh was the dads name too. Elijioh, the dad, beat her after she confessed and denied it but luckily the mom believed Valeria. Aparentally, he had been molesting her since she was eight years old. Everyone assumed that she liked it because she never said anything and not to mention it had been going on for so long. But who knows. I think that his dad abused Elijioh too though...I remember when I was a kid I was chilling with Elijioh at my aunts room. I think we were watching, Jay Jay the Jetplane or something. I climbed on the bed and just laid back to watch the tv. I had the covers on me and my aunt had gone next door to talk to my other aunt about something, I realy don't know. I know that she wasn't home though. This kid came out of nowhere and pulled my pants down and started grinding on me. I didn't know what the fuck was going on, I didn't really say anything cause of course it felt good. He was looking at my face the whole time. That wasn't the last time that we did stuff like that. We were in second grade so I'm thinking we were seven years old. This kid knew more than he should have. He tongue kissed me for crying out loud. That's what makes me think that his dad must have abused him. I mean, where else would he have gotten those ideas out of? He atleast must have watched his folks do something to know that. It's pretty sucky. He got me into that stuff. It must have really sucked for him to be in such a bad home. I mean all that incest. It's a breakdown environment. It's still sort of bad. I think his older brother Jr. Is in jail. His sister Valerie is raising the kids. His other sister Michelle has kids now too. Elijioh is gay now. The dad is in jail. And I haven't heard much about the little sister. I hope she's okay. Maybe she could save them all. I pray that they are doing okay. I mean, could things get any worse?
I just started drama with Sandy I guess. I told her that I was leaving because of something that Kennedy told me. She's been not like me, she was just using me the whole time. I don't need that. It kills me to say goodbye, but it's not a forever, it's just a temporary thing. She'll see how much she misses me and maybe then she'll see what the fuck she missed out on. In the meantime, I'll focus on other girls. Haha, I just saw the video for Katy Perry's part of me song. It was pretty cool and the song fits the situation right now. "Throw your sticks and your stones, throw your bombs and your blows, but you're not gonna break my soul. This is the part of me that you're never gonna ever take away from me." Yeah, Sandy! Heard that? You can have everything except for me. I don't need ya. I can stand on my own. You on the other hand, obviously cannot. Since you're always calling to cry on me and calling to ask me for shit. That song by Maroon Five that you assosiated with me...what did it say? "I don't mind spending everyday, out on your corner in the pouring rain" Well...what if I get tired of standing out there just to get nothing? I already get that from Jason, I don't need it from you too. So I'm leaving now. Let's see who's going to love you now. Who's going to hear you out at 12. Your going to miss me. You're going to see. And then your world will change. That's the thing. She tried to get me to feel bad and started the phone conversation with.."Carlos, my uncle..." I already knew what was coming...something bad. Something that would make me feel sorry for her so I just told her, "ah! No, you know what. Stop right there, you should call someone else to help you." My phone cut her off. She called again and I just told her to call Marylin. Ugh...now she just texted. I'm sorry I never meant to hurt you. ]': She's messing with my head... I got to stay strong and stand my ground. I got to make sure that she knows that I'm not hers anymore. She's always bitching at me telling me that she's a dumbass that always forgives people. She thinks she's the only one that's always forgiving people that hurt her, well she doesnt see that I am too. and the culprit...is her. I just told her all of that, and now she's going to see what I've held back. It's killing me inside, the last thing I want is to hurt her...but I have to I guess. She's loosing all of the men in her life but that's what happens when you have so many and can't pick one. You end up with none. Eh, stay strong..stay strong. Later.




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