John Doe

Chronicles of a Drifter
2012-03-19 23:45:19 (UTC)

entry 25

All right I'm home now. I'm so tired. It's exhausting trying to keep up with all those kids at school. So much commotion going on from left to right. I look back on it and I see that I accomplished nothing and I'm adding this day to the rest of the list. The time I'm throwing away. I've been slacking it lately because of Jason. Speaking of which..he really let me have it today. Soo. I was right. That's a good thing. I'm not stupid is what I figured out. Sandy came and told me he told her that there was another girl on the side. And guess whaat. I was right. It's Pencake! Not ericka. Ughh, just perforated a Goddamn knife into my heart. But it doesn't hurt as much as it did before so I'm guessing that I'm starting to develope an immunity to him. Which is a good thing. If I can shield it all, then hey, be my guest. Turn me into a stone, aslong as I can still focus on what's important. I'm just going to go with the flow. Also, he didn't bring the nardo which is another big ol hint: HE DOESN'T CARE. I was worrying about it all week and he probaly wasn't. See? Those razors sound pretty good right now. But naw..the thing stopping me it all the pain from the incisions. In the moment, the pain feels really good. Afterwards....not so much. I think it's because when you just cut, your body releases all these chemicals and endorphines to try and heal the wound and stop the pain. But after a while they stop and that's the crash. Eh...Sandy and me are on again. Just because Jason left her. So I'm your rebound then huh? I would fight it...but I'm too tired. Plus I really don't need to be a extra problem to her. I know how much she must be hurting. Boy, that kid breaks more hearts than for his own good. Ill just try and help her forget him I guess. Who knows..maybe this will make us stronger. If I pour all my being into her and make her the most important thing to me, and she does the same. We could end up better. Two broken hearts will help each other out. That would workout perfect for everyone. I guess ill try that. But yeah, I didn't talk to him at all. He caught me staring at him in class though...well not really staring . He caught me at a bad moment though. I had my head down and peeked out to catch a glance. He peeked up at that moment too and I buried my head really quick so I'm pretty sure he noticed. Sucks. I was thinking the other day. He makes me more of a kid than I already am. Like that time in the library. I told him to bring the rest of his toy cars and we could play with them. I haven't played cars in years...I'm 16 now, shouldn't be playing with hot wheels haha. But I guess id do anything for a little attention from em'. I gave sandy the necklace I bought her at the mall. Her eyes lit up when she pulled it out. And saw that shit sparkling. I put it on her and then let her go. I basically got gold duggin', but I could care less. I did it for myself cause I mean, its not like I'm expecting anything anyway. Just the satisfaction of knowing I made her feel good. The rest of the day was pretty tiring though, I'm kind of dozing off right now... I found out kennedy has a thing for my bud Mayan. I wish they would get together. Seeing them together would make me happy. I know they could do it. Also...we had a sex talk in religion class. It was pretty eye opening. Apparentally, when you get married you have to have sex to make it official. That sucks how you have to wait till you're married to have sex, I know for a fact I'm screwed. I lost virginity a long long time ago. I barely believe in God anymore though so I could care less for now I guess. Sex feels too good to pass up. I've been chatting up this guy, he's pretty chill. Basically one good thing about my day there. I'll just call em' smiley. Pretty smart and interesting. Wish people were like that here. We don't have that many awesome people that have brains to match it up. Or kindnss. They're always missing something. Do I expect to much? Maybe I'm the problem? I don't know..I'm too tired to be asking myself all these questions..I just need to sleep. Later.




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