Things in my hands
I feel much better today and will just get my head down and do what is within my hands.
I hope with time things will improve.
2 thing I need to add
(1) The truth is that the way we were going before this whole thing came to light was no where for me....it made me sad, confused and paranoid. Before the events of last year Jan I was oblivious to a lot of things and quite frankly the Jan event was always going to happen one way or the other. Since that event I can't remember one day I was not unhappy. At least now I no where I stand and I have a target (to win her back). It is a different type of unhappiness, with this unhappiness I am motivated to be the best I can and will try my best to achieve all I know I am capable of.
(2) I have to be wise in the interim and ensure we still keep some level of communication and contact (not physical) so that the relationship doesn't just completely die off. My worst fear which eats me is her having something to do (physically/emotionally) with someone else. That will probably be one blow I am unsure I will be able to take so I am doing everything to try and be attractive to her again but at the same time preparing myself for the worst.