My wife has informed me that she no longer wishes to continue with the marriage. She wants us to remain friends for the sake of the kids and stay together until the last child is 18 then we can formerly divorce. In the meant time she will explore what she thinks is her inhibitions when it comes to sex and she can not guarantee me any commitments
In the last few days we have spoken more than in our 11 years of association. After talking I can summarise everything to this:-
When we got married she wanted to do so much with me but I preferred hanging out with my friends. She felt I preferred my friends to her. It drover her round the bend. She was extremely possessive of me but I kept on going out especially to places she felt I shouldn’t go like night clubs. She use to dread weekends and terrified that I would go out and be up to no good. She felt she could not continue like this and slowly detached herself from me emotionally so she doesn’t run herself mad. As the years progressed she became more independent and find other sources to take her time such that she didn’t really worry or care about what I was doing.
For me I taught what I was doing at the start of the marriage was just normal and was oblivious to how it bothered her. Over the years I didn’t really notice her detachment until it became pronounced. As I slowed down and started to pay her more attention she seems so cold. Got to a stage where I felt I didn’t have a wife. Sex was few and far between, she wasn’t interested in talking or going out with me. I tried everything to no avail. Then in her new job she started communicating and engaging in texting her boss and other male colleagues which now turns out to be innocent but innocent is relative. Innocent in that there was nothing sexual to it but not innocent as it destroyed me. Coming into the room and seeing her hide her phone, see some text messages etc I was convinced she was having an affair especially as I was not getting any recognition.
Even though she managed to detach herself from me she still put a strong hold on the finance of the house. Her finance was a black box to me but mine was open to scrutiny. I paid for all the regular bills in the house such that I had little or nothing left. I needed money for my business so I started spending my credit cards, my tax money, my savings etc. I made sure that all the money I spent I paid for the charges and the interest separate from the salary I was collecting which was used 100% for the bills. My business involves creating betting odds so I not only created odds for punters I started betting a lot myself to try and make more money for my debt and business and it became a vicious circle.
Sex was awful with her as we didn’t get to do the things I liked even though I hinted a few times. It even became a rear thing. I then decided to visit escorts whenever I get to the stage where I cannot cope any more typically may be 6 weeks8 weeks, there was no regular patter. Sometimes in a year I wouldn’t see any one and sometimes I may go as much as 3/4/5 rimes in one year.
Now we are at crossed road. Everything has come out in the open. She is very calm and I think determined not to breakdown. She is very polite to me. I think she is hurt, very hurt. Especially with the escort thing. I think it has affected her badly and she has questioned her womanhood. I thing I have lost her. When I look back I am glad this has happened. Where we were was a plane crash waiting to happen. We use to argue a lot at the start of the marriage so I learnt to keep quite to avoid arguing as time went by so as not to let the arguing destroy our marriage. I got use to not communicating just to avoid arguing and she got colder and colder. I was also trying to make money to pay for my business and the debt I was accumulating by betting on the financial market and Sports. Which is what I do as a business but more like a bookmaker not a punter. But I started punting more and more as I needed more money. I also spiralled into this sexual abyss of prostitution to feed my sexual urges. While she completely became unaware of me and starting feeling her void with male colleagues at work.
Now I think if she can find it in her heart to forgive me I think our marriage will be so rich. In the years I was ignored I endured so much heart pain and it destroyed me but that is no excuse for my behaviour. I feel ultimately I am the one that is wrong and have to live with the consequences. I wouldn’t blame her for any action she takes right now.