z2smith

z2Smith
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2012-02-22 17:58:32 (UTC)

Gambling, Sex and Deceits


It was not pretty. My wife knows everything I do good and bad. Somehow she got access to my phone and email and what more. She spoke to my friend for a few hours and I later chatted with him. There are a few issues.

Finances
For my business I have had to take money out of several places without letting my wife know. But importantly I pay for the cost of all these withdrawals so if I take money out of my credit card I pay the interest on it. What I then do is to use the money to fund my business and use it to create betting markets for my clients and also bet myself so that I can return the original capital and use the profit. But unfortunately it didn’t work out like that and over time I lost a lot of money. So in the cold light of day my wife believes I am a gambling addict and worse my friend believes so as well. I feel so bad about what I did and I am upset with my friend for not giving me the benefit of the doubt. There is more to the story. Originally when I use to work and my wife was not working I paid all the bills and paid herself and myself a salary based on our expenses (manly food and transport) over time she started working and we just left my account to pay bills and hers to pay for ad-hoc, kids school fees and pay off credit card. She never paid off the credit card (at least mine) and to be honest I don’t know what she does with her extra money. Yet my money is scrutinised to the last penny and I don’t have any extra funds to do anything while she has financial independence. As an example if I want to buy a shoe or travel I have to discuss this with her while she just goes ahead and buys the goods or service. It got to a head for me when I wanted to start my business. She said I can only do the business on the condition that no money from the house will go into the business. The businesses cost a lot of money so I started taking money out and then try to make some bets to return the capital. The alternative was for me to just sit down and go to my office job and that’s my lot. Just manage on the misery salary I get and if I need anything above that go and meet my wife. I want more for my life. So I embarked on creating this business which has not been easy. I am not justifying the netting activities but it was (in my head) necessary to pay for my debt and my business otherwise there was nothing else I could do. As I said unfortunately I lost so much money with my betting activities and my wife has found out. All the money I lost comes from assets I paid for with my Salary and there was genuine intentions and there is still to pay back. But now I am just a deceitful beast with an acute gambling problem. This is not true and over time I will show it. I have told my friend that he will need to apologise to me when eventually he sees that he judged me to quickly and wrongly. I am not proud of what I did but I am proud of trying to grow a business. Unfortunately I don’t have any money and tried to make money work for me.

Sex
My wife and I hardly have sex. At best once a month but more like once in 2 months. Apparently I now know she doesn’t like it and this started after the birth of our first son. I have a high sex drive but I have always shied away from having an affair but sometimes I feel the need especially if I have not had sex in 2 months. I then visit an escort. She has also found out about this.

Marriage
I have offered to leave if that is what she wants. I will not fight her for anything she can have it all. I will just take my clothes and my job. If that is what makes her happy then that is where we are going. I hope not. I hope she will give me a chance to proof myself and also over time give my side of the story so that we can both make necessary changes in the marriage. I can’t be under this financial straight jacket. I need money to grow my business and pay my debt. I also can’t be subjected to 1 nookie every 2 months or so. Too impractical for me….

I hope my marriage doesn’t end here as it will break my heart but it is out of my hands and I am preparing for the worst.


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