Experienced Life
2012-02-21 22:07:39 (UTC)

Dreamt about the Ex last night

I hate the unconscious mind. I dreamed of the ex and kiddos last night. The unconscious mind doesn't know right from wrong. It doesn't remember all the bad or history. It's just pure raw and sometimes stupid thoughts and feelings. I woke up depressed. It reminds me of how the ex fucked things up.

It reminded me that just a little over 3 years ago, I was married.nA home, wife, and two kids. All that suddenly went down the drain. Everything was just a rouge, house of cards that was inevitably going to fall apart. I see it now but at the time, I thought I was where I was supposed to be.

Now I'm here in my friend's home renting a room. Sure, I'm saving money and I'm grateful to be in a safe place. It just sucks because my life is on hold. I'm lost going nowhere. I promised my friend 6 months of this. I've been here for just over a month and a half. It feels like 6 months already. The neighborhood is a little ghetto so I won't be walking around the neighborhood saying hi to anyone.I know this is what I asked for so I have to suck it up.

I also loaned two of my friends some money. One couple for 1500 and the other friend for 500. I'm suppose to get it back in less than a month. I hope they don't let me down. No matter. I'm really just bored being here in this place. I need to get out. I need to get laid. lol

FYI, I hate the color blue. :)