I am in the wilderness….
Not sure what I am doing….feel so alone but I know I am in a dog fight with my challenges and will not lose.
Wife:- I really don’t know any more. I am not sure how I feel. Sometimes I feel so much resentment sometimes I feel I have to let everything go. I get flashbacks of her exchanges messages (or whatever) with her boss and it hits me like a bolt…don’t think I can ever recover from that….some other times I just want to sit down with her and talk, grab her and kiss her and just enjoy my marriage but I don’t feel the urge to do this any more…mainly because I am thinking of my pride (I suspect)…why should I be the one doing all the running and lapping after…so that she can diss me? I will continue to hang in there until hopefully things begin to change for the better or I start to feel ok….
Finance:- I feel so down and disappointed in myself as I have lost a lot of money in my trading business. I feel so low about this and my wife doesn’t know about it…it also probably one of the reasons I am not getting close to her as I feel very guilty about it….one of my major task is to rectify my finances….I also have to address the imbalance in our finance structure at home. My finances gets scrutinised and I pay (in my opinion for most things) while she says she saves whatever is left of her finance after she pays for the kids school fees and house shopping etc….2 main battles are yet to be fought in the house (1) is the finances…it is a time bomb waiting to happen…she is interested in my bank statements etc but yet she hides her phone from me...what is that? At least now she doesn’t have the gut to ask me anything about my phone cos I lock it (2) Her so called male colleagues at work she txt on her phone….I am beginning to start acquiring female colleague txt buddies so we shall see how it feels when the boot is on the other leg.
Career:- I need to start brushing up my skills…need to have regular pattern everyday. I have the plan but yet to execute but I feel it coming
My Business:- Huge challenge as there is lack of funds but I hope to release my application end of this month and start development of the 2nd stage later this month. I also hope to release the terminal application I have purchased and tested….all looking up…with a bit of more hard work
Sex:- my sex drive as tripled in the last 2/3 weeks or so….my wife says she doesn’t really enjoy it…so I can’t be bothered to start probing only to fail on most nights…so looking for solution….